Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Need Advice Fast
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Flame  Posted: 4:06 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think that 12 is too young to witness a grown man going thru drug addiction withdraw?

Here's the backstory:
DS12's dad has a live-in girlfriend who has a grown son (30's). The grown son was living in Utah and he is addicted to pain killers. The son wants to get off the pain killers, and his mom wants to help him, so they brought the son here to Florida to live with them during his detox.

DS goes to his dad's on alternating weekends, and this weekend he would be at his dad.

His dad emailed me to let me know what was happening and gave me all the info and left the decision up to me.

So... Do you think a 12 year old should be allowed to witness a 30 year old man going thru the DT's?

TIA


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on the 12yr old.
It'd also depend on how much you trust your ex to keep your DS safe in that situation.

Some kids would benefit from seeing the harsh realities of making poor choices.
Others would be freaked by it.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6694 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son is very empathetic and I think it would freak him out a lot.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ 18449
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I don't know...

I think it would be a good lesson on addiction, but what if the guy goes nuts??

I think I would have to say no to visitation right now. Maybe let DS watch an episode of 'Intervention' so he can get a picture of what's going on without being directly involved.

Tough decision, (((Jrc))).

ETA: Just saw your post about him being an empath. Don't let him see that. It will do far more harm than good.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 4:16 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I don't know... couldn't know... is the unpredictability of detoxing from pain killers.

All I know about the DT's is what I've seen in movies and tv shows.

Ex seems to think 30 year old will just be throwing up a lot.

But I can envision unpredictable or violent behavior. At the very least I think this guy will probably be in a lot of pain and misery.

Also, is it fair to 30 year old to have a 12 year old watching him be sick?


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He'll never be able to unsee/unhear what he witnesses.

I would say no.

FWIW, kudos to your X. Not too many would even let the other parent have a voice.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21104 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ 18449
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the words of Nancy, just say "No". Drugs and drug withdrawal DO introduce the possibility of psychosis and violence. It probably WON'T happen, but what if it did?? It's not worth the risk, IMO.

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AJ's mom... My ex and I have a decent relationship and I'm glad he did tell me ahead of time for sure.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't advise it, jrc.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any direct experience with this, but I would lean towards no. Doesn't hurt to err on the side of safety and caution.

Posts: 8021 | Registered: Dec 2010
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not your 12 year old with just his dad to walk him through, no. Maybe if you were there to help him process, but you won't be. His dad isn't as conscientious, if I recall correctly.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13880 | Registered: Jul 2011
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ama! You are correct.

And I certainly don't want to subject myself to that nightmare.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JRC, I have detoxed from prescription painkillers. Several times. It. Was. Not. Pretty.

It was awful. I threw up. I shook. I cried. I felt like my skin was on fire and there were bugs crawling under it. I am so very thankful that my kids never witnessed me like that. I cannot imagine a 12 year old witnessing it.

Just, no.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2889 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HFSSC...

Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you sharing something that I am sure was painful.

Do you mind if I copy it and forward it to the ex? I doubt he has any idea what's about to happen in his house.

I did suggest that if he wanted to see DS this weekend we could work it out where he took him out on Saturday for golf or something and then bring him back here so he doesn't have to witness this.

Waiting to hear back.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
metamorphisis
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since you've gotten good advice I will simply add my "Not a chance in hell" opinion. While I have compassion for the young man, that would be incredibly awkward and potentially frightening for your son. Talk about an elephant in the room. I would suspend visits until it was better. And I think his dad was good to inform you.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45310 | Registered: Sep 2006
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting off of opiates should be done in a facility. It will be emotionally painful for all of those involved.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
completeshock
♀ 19334
Member # 19334
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No kids here so take this with a grain of salt, but I say don't let him see it. I witnessed a friend detox this summer, it was a tough thing to watch and I am a lot older than 12. Maybe his dad can pick him up and they can go out somewhere, maybe he and his dad can discuss it if he has questions. I think at 12 he is old enough to know and not be left in the dark, but he shouldn't see it.


Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 1740 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: East Coast
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JRC, no problem at all. I am an open book when it comes to my recovery. It's ugly, but it's the truth. Please share if it will help.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2889 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
JustDone
♀ 9742
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Do you think a 12 year old should be allowed to witness a 30 year old man going thru the DT's?

As a mother and as a former Social Worker my answer is no.


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2807 | Registered: Feb 2006
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks HFSSC

Thanks everyone for the advice.

His dad agreed to just taking him out for the day on Saturday and not doing any overnight this weekend.

You all confirmed my gut instincts of it not being a good idea.

Thanks again!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24683 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.