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We had a rough MC yesterday. Today is a trigger day for both of us because my husband worked in the Pentagon on 9/11 and he suffers from PTSD. I trigger too though, I was alone that day with my newborn baby boy and 4 year old watching the news wondering if my husband was dead or not.

Today has just sucked.

And I'm just overwhelmed. We are r'ing, but shit, sometimes I just think:

FOUR affairs.
FOUR affair partners.
ONE long term affair of over two years, though he's not completely sure of the time we say 27 months but most likely closer to two and a half years.
FIVE years of affair behavior.
2 more attempted affairs so the reality is SIX women.
FIRED for sexual harassment.
SEX addiction.
YEAR of false recovery.

How do I wrap my head around it all?

[This message edited by SamanthaBaker at 4:59 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

I wish I had an answer for you. Maybe you don't wrap your head around it. Maybe you just chew it in bite sized chunks, Samantha.

Sending you comfort on a very difficult day. ((((SB))))

Sometimes repeating the stats in my head is helpful to me. It's almost like a repetitive recounting of a trauma to try to help heal through it. For me it is 15 years, double betrayal, lost her virginity to this guy, biological disconnect with my son...

It's a lot of crap that is summarized at a 30K foot view, but it helps me wrap it up into a nice neat little mental package to toss to the side every now and again, and get along with my daily life.

Hope this helps.

I am sorry you are hurting today.

((SamanthaBaker))

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

It's really different, isn't it, to see it on screen? It's like you can *almost* accept the bad with the good in your head, but then when you see it right there in front of you, it's hard to phantom.

Given your whole involvement in today's events on that day, probably the best thing to do is lay the infidelity down for the day and pick it up again some other time.

Today is just too much for many folks.

Please, be kind to yourself.

(((((Sam)))))

AJ's MOM

I wonder what he would say if he saw it all typed out like that you know? He *IS* remorseful, he is hell bent on helping me heal and fixing our marriage. So, I wonder what he'd say to that? I think he'd get it, probably tear up even. But I don't want to do that to him today.

But yeah, one bite at a time. I've been in a really good place lately, it's just all too much today.