It has been almost a year, and he's been doing everything right. It's just me. I'm drained.
I just asked him for a few days of space. He's at his mom's. Last night was such a peaceful night. I felt present with my kids and felt happy. There was no heaviness in my heart. It was scary to feel so good without him.
How long can I take a break before it starts affecting our R? I wanted a few days to breathe, but he feels like he's being punished and I don't want him to feel that way.
Has anyone done separation for a short time just to get a break from it all? Did it work?
I totally get your feeling.
I liken it to swimming...sometimes you just need to back float and catch your breath.
If you are like me you may FALSELY think this is giving up, that you have failed, that you are not as strong as you thought you were. THIS IS WRONG!
The truth is you need a rest. And even as you rest work is progressing.
At the very least rest gives your body...physical body and spiritual body...a chance to repair the damage it has sustained over the past year.
Both my fWW and I have felt this. This is tough, tough, tough work.
Try and get your head around the fact that floating is good.
I kayak a lot. Even when I don't paddle I move down the river....try and find a way to own that thought for yourself.
I will pray for you tonight.
God be with you and your WS.
I, too, have felt that.
Too many reasons to list as to why this occurs....just wanted to let you know it occurred in me as well.
One reason that is almost a given....our WS hurt us like no other person could. That fact alone has to carry some of the weight behind why we feel more at peace when they are not around.
Yes, I know you are 1 year out. I am too. But this first year was wacked....it was 12 months but, for me anyway, it really was only about the last 4 months that I really started to accept that adultery is now part of our marital past and started working on changing things within myself that I desire to change.
I did the whole....blaming myself, begging, embarrassed, raging, self introspection, raging, sad, self introspection, raging....thing for much of this year. All part of the process...but not core to doing work on my marriage.
Simply not able to work on my marriage with so many other issues and emotions.
Self control....something new to me as well...had to be worked on.
Dang...I am rambling. Just trying to convey you are not crazy, you are not alone, you are feeling what I have felt...and still feel some days.
God be with us all.
This break was definitely needed, for whatever the reason. My co-workers today noticed that I was snapping to the music and had a smile on my face. Apparently they noticed the peace I had today having a break from the pain. I feel guilty celebrating this peace, but heck, I'll take peace over chaos any day!!
Thank you all, SI friends...
My caution comes because this attention feels good and I think that is healthy. But...if it comes from someone of the opposite sex....don't let your guard down, don't let boundaries slip.
Hate to jump to conclusions here....but for me it felt, feels really good now when a woman notices me. I have always been firm on boundaries with women....but have been tempted to let them move some....
I don't think any of us are totally immune from making mistakes regarding what we are all going through.
Probably don't need to mention this to you, but felt like passing along this wisdom....just in case.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 2:31 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]
I have, however, been complemented by men more in the last year than I have since I've been married. Not sure what kind of energy I am emitting or if it's just the enemy trying to tempt me...but of course it feels nice.