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Newest Member: MaggieO (60733)

User Topic: sliding back into old routines (WS opinions welcome)
♀ 35803
Member # 35803
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you out there in R or recovered... at any point in the process do you feel that you fell back into old routines with your spouse?
For example, lately I feel as if we are falling back into not doing date night once a month. For the first few months into R we made a point to go on a date and over the past couple of months we have not done anything together, alone, without the children. I have mentioned to him a few times that we need to go on a date and he says yes but that is as far as it goes. I feel that it has not been important to him lately. I do not know if this is just me or if it is just a little bump in the road.
If you can relate how did you bring it back around to what you both have set out to achieve in your relationship.

BS- 37
married 13 years together 19
DD- 5/27/12
He walked out on me and the girls 5/26/12
Recovery started 9/15/12

Hoping for Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom!!!!

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: New York
♀ 21886
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, you *both* need to be vigilant in regards to sliding back into old behaviors. As the WS, he needs to be more so.

I can understand the lack of alone time due to kids, BTDT. But that shouldn't prevent you from setting aside some time for the two of you, even if date night consists of sending the kids on an overnight with family/friends. Or putting back a few bucks each week to pay a sitter one night a month. I imagine most teens would probably do it relatively cheap as long as food and TV time were relatively generous.

The routine my H and I have has changed somewhat but then we're empty-nesters so no kid issues. We've instituted date nights even though they're not regular or scheduled that far in advance, usually it's somewhat spur of the moment, like going to the local drive-in to catch a movie or two.

Bottom line is, BOTH of you need to be on the lookout to make sure you don't fall back into the routine of the "familiar" and comfortable. That rut, for your WS, might lead to another A.

[This message edited by Clarrissa at 8:03 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

BH Cee64D - 50
FWW (me) - 51

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 6164 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Alex CR
♀ 27968
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very easy to fall back into old habits or routines.....and it takes the two of you to stay on top of it.....the longer you keep up the new routines the more they'll become your habits.

I don't know how old the kids are but perhaps you can schedule an hour or so for 'adult' time. Maybe in your bedroom alone....light soft music...have a glass of wine and just be with each other. Get a massage, give a massage or just talk about anything but the's not always possible to go out, but there may be ways for you to make 'us' time at home working around the kids ages/schedules.

My H and I let so much come between us while raising three kids and both of us working that, in hindsight, I can see how H got into the A. We were living separate lives and forgot to feed the 'us' in our marriage.

If you guys haven't already read The Five Love Languages, you might find it helpful.

BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 3

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