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Newest Member: RisingAbovePain (61843)

User Topic: Should I have been nicer?
♀ 40359
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By now I am sure I have said enough about my story.

But basically H doesn't want to be M anymore. Isn't seeing OW anymore either. I want my H back and want to R. That apparently isn't possible since he wants D.

I have been 180 for a week and feel a little better. Tonight I was out and he had the kids and brought them home and put them to bed. When I pulled up he was outside getting the dog (which he has been taking care of at his friends house). So I got out of the car and he was playing with the dog and I walked up to the house and said "are you all set in here?" And he said "can we uh" and I said "what's up?" And he said "nothing ya im good". So I went in the house and he left with the dog. That is literally all that was said and I was a bit cold in my tone and demeanor.

Ideally, I want him to wake up and realize he wants his family back. Did I just push him further by being too mean and cold? My mom says I should just be nice.

XWH left 6/2013
DDay 8/19/2013
Divorce final 7/14/2014
False reconciliation 6/15-8/15
DDay 2 8/29/15

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 26478
Member # 26478
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have to disagree with Mom on this one. You did just right - let him see you can move on. Might be your best shot at a true reconciliation.

Posts: 350 | Registered: Dec 2009
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 180 is a process for getting you in touch with your strengths and your ability to make it on your own. It doesn't matter how your H responds.

I think your interaction was fine. If he wanted more, he needed to ask for it.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17081 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like maybe he was having second thoughts when he was getting the dog. Just maybe though. If so, it sounds like you would love to give reconcilliation a stab.
You might ask him if he would like to talk and see what he says. It is hard to know what to do when they have just "left the building" but still seem like they are looking back.
If the truly wants a divorce, then not much you can do but get on with your life, but if he is having second thoughts, then a talk couldn't hurt.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Topic Posts: 4

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