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Wedding rings and gifts

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Needadrink posted 9/11/2013 20:41 PM

I just want to know if anyone has any advice regarding all the beautiful gifts that H has bought me whilst seeing OW. I know I will never wear them again, including my wedding rings, they have no meaning for me now. Has anyone else felt like this? H keeps saying he wishes I would wear his rings again, can't even look at them at the moment. 3 months since D DAY.

mixedintherut posted 9/11/2013 20:44 PM

I would put them away, somewhere safe, until you are in a better position to make a long term decision.

I had to pawn my wedding set to fill a prescription for our daughter, when he was gone the first time.

I regret it to this day. Not because I want to wear them, but some part of me wanted them for our daughter. Even if not to give her as rings, but perhaps have the stone put in a necklace. They represented something real and true when they were given to me.

lostintally5581 posted 9/11/2013 21:13 PM

My WH gave me new wedding rings at 5 months past d day. As a recomitment to our marriage. They aren't fancy or expensive that's not my style. They are a symbol of our marriage that w are working on rebuilding. It does help that wh sees the error of his ways owns his shit and is totally remorseful.

Needadrink posted 9/11/2013 22:21 PM

If i even suspect it I am out the door with no turning back Thanks. I will put them away somewhere safe.

sunsetslost posted 9/11/2013 23:00 PM

My WW made the decision to stray. The covenant she swore to me before God, my family, her family was forever broken. I told her the rings were nothing but shiny metal and hardened carbon. I sold them less than a month after D Day. I said I'd buy a new one if it ever got sorted out. It won't. We are done. But that's us. Her rings were in another man's bed. Worthless. FYI I went to a local jeweler. Got about 60% of cost in cash. Don't pawn but don't expect full value.

kansas1968 posted 9/12/2013 00:51 AM

Just put the rings away, maybe in a safety deposit box. You can decide later.
I haven't worn mine since dday and probably never will, but that is my decision at this point.

As far as the gifts, I would probably either give them away or sell them. It is amazing the collateral damage that an affair causes.

A wayward is always shocked at the far reaching consequenses of an affair. They never in a million years thought about what would happen if they were caught, at least not in any rational terms. They just thought we would be mad, blow up, then either get over it or kick them out.

They never understand the level of pain that betrayal brings or the thousands of things that it affects. What a mess it is.

MJane posted 9/12/2013 03:42 AM

I know how you feel - not that I got any great gifts since he started seeing the OW but agree with folks here not to do anything major at this stage. I took my wedding ring off and wear a ring from my sister that passed away years back. That way I feel less empty because I am wearing something that means a lot to me. H bought me an expensive gold necklace when our son was born but knowing what i know now about him sleeping with another woman the day after I gave birth I can't look at it and I also can't look now at early birth pictures as I know the intimacy i thought we had then was in my head....but maybe we'll fix things and maybe we won't - those photos still mean something to me and he can't taint everything - with time it will hurt less....

MJane posted 9/12/2013 03:43 AM

BTW, I have a hard time looking at his wedding ring firmly on his hand - as someone else said - i know how little him wearing it actually means so it has no significance to me anymore

Broken6 posted 9/12/2013 09:16 AM

I concur about the wedding rings. They no longer hold the same meaning they once did. I told WH they were more like cocktail ring now, as significant as any other jewelry I own. He never gave me nice gifts during the A. He gave them to OW. Bought her diamond earrings 2 weeks into the A, expensive ones. He admitted that coincided with their first sexual encounter. He gave her all sorts of gifts, and she was still brazen enough to ask him for more money. Guess all that affection and love she was showing him came at a price. Less than 1 week after the second dday and what appears to be NC, he gave me a diamond necklace to say sorry. I told him it was thoughtful, but I wasn't like the whore, my forgiveness and love couldn't be bought. He ended up returning it. I am hopeful this is true R, but I want it to be about love and commitment, not material things.

I recommend hanging onto your rings, if you decide you want to wear them again one day, then you will have them, and it not - you could have them reset into necklace like the above post suggests. I think that is a nice idea.

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