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Is my online cheating WH lying again?

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Jesss posted 9/11/2013 23:40 PM

Hi again,
So now my husband admitted to what I found out with the keylogger, dating account for "couple years", emails and passwords to the accounts I found on keylogger already but I guess nothing I didn't already discover. So he didn't tell me anything new, just admitted,to everything.
He says he was a creep, he is creep and he did it for the thrill of it and insists he never met in person and had actual physical sex with anyone.
He's lying right?
He is so good at getting me to believe him, he's been gas lighting me for our whole marriage, I even looked up gas lighting waaay before any of this happened.
He also said to give him one more chance, he will,quit his travelling job, let GPS him, frisk him when he leaves and comes home, keyloggers on computers and phones.... That's what he said. I still don't know if I can get over what he's done. But honestly hearing him say that has made me feel better than I have since I found out, had my first proper meal today in a week, slept almost all night yesterday. But I don't wanna be stupid and fall for his lies,again,
S I need your guys' help... What do you think? Is he truly sorry? Sorry he got caight again?
He said this in a text and I didn't reply cuz I don't know what to say.
I just wanted to come ask you all, because without your advice I would have never installed a keylogger or even suspected he was lying the first time I caught him.

mixedintherut posted 9/11/2013 23:47 PM

Perhaps mention a lie detector test and see how he reacts?

Do you have any gut feelings if he is telling the truth?

Sorry, I am not so much help. I am sure someone else may have some more suggestions!

Once they start lying, it's so hard to know when they are telling the truth. The way I see it, there is a 50/50 chance, its the truth or a lie. The lies make it so much harder to deal with the situation!

Jesss posted 9/12/2013 00:10 AM

Thanks.
I thought of lie detector test but if he passed it, I wouldn't feel any better. Years ago his mom passed a lie detector test and she was lying!

CM86 posted 9/12/2013 00:43 AM

My husband suggested a lie detector and to go under hypnosis WHILE lying to me. So yeah that might not work. However, getting him hypnotized will. He will be in a trance so will come clean without realizing it. Maybe try that. Look up a hypno therapist in your area.

Jesss posted 9/12/2013 01:59 AM

Hypnotherapist great idea, I know he'd never do it.
I talked to him on the phone now... I know he's stil keeping secrets and I'm sure he's lying still.
I hate how he got my hopes up for two days. I thought I was feeling better... Now I feel like I just found out today again. This is so painful, I don't know how deal with this pain. I want to stop crying. I want to catch up in big brother, and all my shows... And just forget about him. He is still sleeping fine, eating... He doesn't even care about what he did, just keeps saying he's sorry, and every why question I ask him, his reply is "cuz I was being creep". Makes me so angry. Yes he was being a creep... But why?!
How long does it take to get over a Internet cheating WH? I think he's a sex addict too. Will I be happy when we're divorced? Or am I going to spend the rest of my life missing the man I thought he was....

Hope2B posted 9/12/2013 02:10 AM

I'm sorry to ring in on this by saying my opinion is that he is not sorry, and will continue his unacceptable behavior because he can and because he wants to.

He's playing you.

Often, there is no reason why a guy is a creep--he just is.

You might want to consider this: How can you miss something you never had? You're missing a phantom, something that's not real, you're missing your dream of what you wanted and what you *thought* he was. Finding out he is a liar etc has the ability to destroy your dream, and it's hard to give up dreams!

In your story, you wrote

Now it's been a month and a half and he has gone back to being a jerk. He has always been emotionally abusive. When I first found out he said he will get counselling and that we can get marriage counselling, now he refuses to do all that, hasn't even looked into anything.

I really think you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Your feelings don't affect him, and he is somewhat into manipulation of your emotions.

I could be way off base, but it seems as if you are grasping at straws to find a reason to believe him yet again.

You cannot change him. You can only change how you react to him, and that is your power if you use it wisely.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Jesss posted 9/12/2013 02:51 AM

Thanks hpoe2b. I agree with everything you said... I am grasping at straws... I don't want him to be a liar, even though I have proof he is.... I don't know how to deal with the fact that our whole marriage was a lie.

My heart doesn't wanna let go of him. But I have decided I am not staying with him. I am hoping that before the D is final he will come clean about everything and get help and show me he really does want our marriage, but I know that is very unlikely.

1Faith posted 9/12/2013 09:51 AM

Jess

Your whole marriage was not a lie. You went in with honest intentions and you intended to keep them. Your 1/2 of the marriage was real. Don't let his horrid choices take that from you.

He regrets being caught but is not remorseful. He is hoping by professing his regret and telling you all the things you want to hear that you will forgive him again and within a few weeks or a month he will start back up.

Remorse and regret are two very different things. Look them up.

If he was truly remorseful he would be doing anything you needed. IC, lie detector, anything.

It is time you define your boundaries of what you are willing to accept and not accept. If he crosses any then what are you prepared to do?

Yes, he was/is a creep but does he want to change and what does he plan to do to make that change occur? IC?

Regardless if it is internet cheating or IRL, it is still cheating. Recovery takes time to heal. Trust has been broken regardless.

And gently, I have a very hard time believing that he never met up with any of these "friends" from the internet. Only "proof" you have of that is his word which you know isn't worth much.

Actions. Behavior. Accountability.

Stand strong. This only stops when you say it does.

You and your kids deserve better.

We are here. Good luck.

Prayers.

seriouslylostit posted 9/12/2013 13:03 PM

I'm a bitch do I would put him on a gay site and say somebody anony called from his work number to alert you!

Jesss posted 9/13/2013 15:29 PM

Thank you for the replies, the advice I'm getting here is helping me stay strong.

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