I know how you are feeling. My fwh had so many secrets and he never shared his emotional feelings with me. When he had his IC appt days there would be an elephant in the room when he would come home. He would never even mention anything.
I would say hope your appt went well, his response was always thanks.
I would make me sad that after all these years he still couldn't open up to me.
I didn't expect a transcript of the whole secession, just to know it was helping him
He said he didn't want to tell me because it was like he was at the end of a firing range!
So, with a lot of soul searching and the help of my IC, I explained to my fwh that I understand his IC appts are for him and to help him but if he can't open up to me emotionally, we will never have a complete relationship.
He had told his IC about 6 months ago his goal was to replace him (his IC) with me. Be able to discuss and share with me his feeling, but he was not trying.
After I explained to him all I want is to open up to me and know I am not his enemy and will not judge, just listen, maybe it would help me understand why we are at this point in our relationship and how we got here, he has shared things with me which has made both of us feel closer to each other.
I understand MC is for the couple but I truly believe if you want an open, honest relationship, both physical and emotional then sharing what you have learned is a huge milestone.
Fwh doesn't get defensive anymore because I don't ask and I give him time to process his secession and most of the time he will text me after and say he has some things he wants to talk about.
It makes me very happy :)
Together 33 years
Dday #1- 2/20/2011
Dday #2- 1/08/2012
Healing myself is now my top priority.