Ever since D-Day in June 2009, I have kept my marriage problems from my family (family being parents, my brother and SIL). How I have managed to do this, I really don't know as there have been so many times when I have been absolutely dying inside, but somehow managed to put on a front when I've been with them. So they believe my H is wonderful and that I should consider myself very fortunate.
I have done this as I wanted a chance to try and work things out without feeling any pressure from family. I didn't want to feel any prejudice on their part toward my H, I didn't want the emotional burden that it would put on them (and in turn myself) as I know they would go into overdrive if they thought that I was in any sort of difficulty (worry, wanting to help, anxiety about me and my health - they've been there before with me.)
But what has it done? It has turned ME into the dishonest one, living a false life. I hate not being truthful with my family - it's all wrong - and, in a way, it's added yet another cruel twist into my whole story, another factor that confuses me, screws my mind and makes this whole messy tangled up web even harder to find my way out of.
It's so hard - my H's A came at a time when my parents suddenly decided that with their advancing years and after 50 years marriage and years of not really going away on holidays, that they were going to spend their hard-saved cash and enjoy themselves. There was no way I could tell them when I found out about my H's A because they had booked on a cruise to NY which was SO SPECIAL to them. If they had known, they would either have cancelled it completely or, even if they had gone, it would have been ruined because I know they would have been worried sick about me.
So I didn't tell them. As soon as they had done that, they started planning a big trip to Australia and NZ with my brother and SIL - again, a once in a lifetime event for them. How could I throw a spanner in the works?
And there's never been a good time to tell them. They come back from holiday full of happiness and the joys of their trip so I don't want to hit them with the devastating fact that their beloved daughter's marriage is on the rocks. Then, they're no sooner planning their next trip - and it's been like this for the last 4 years!!!
Then this year, it was my dad's 80th, so more celebrations and yet more special trips planned.
My parents have spent years picking up the pieces from the fallouts of my previous relationships. I figured that in their stage of life, they're entitled to have some fun without the worry of some family crisis.
But sometimes I think, if only they knew... Have I done them a disservice???
PLEASE give me your thoughts/advice.
[This message edited by showmetheway at 1:34 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]