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Newest Member: MrsB (61169)

User Topic: Epic fail 180!!! How do you do it?!?!
♀ 40297
Member # 40297
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I caved in!!! I don't like myself for doing so... I did it for 2 days and something triggered me... Why can't I be strong enough to do it? I felt small again stooping down back to the place I said I wasn't going anymore. Same lame me trying to make him see "it."

I'm so lost!

BS: me (29)
WH: 37
Together 4 yrs, Married 3 years
2 children: DS 2yrs/ DD 3mos

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 29130
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all fail it in the beginning, you dust yourself off and start again. The 180 is for you. To help shift the focus off of him and onto you.

It won't help him see it. It will help you detach. That detachment can wake up a WS, but not always.

Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.

Posts: 4722 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
♀ 40297
Member # 40297
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's for my healing, but I'm so affected by him... By his actions or lack thereof... And by lacking, I mean lacking remorse. It's like he can forget about everything, yet here I am consumed by his affair... I think of it almost as if its air I breathe.

BS: me (29)
WH: 37
Together 4 yrs, Married 3 years
2 children: DS 2yrs/ DD 3mos

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's alright. The 180 is tough to do, but over time it will become easier. So like isa said dust yourself off. Put your focus into any positive things to boost you up.

Keep posting your thoughts and feelings here to get the support that you need.

Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone has trouble with the 180. The good thing is if you mess up you just start right back up again.

I started off small. For instance I stopped calling my STBX while I was at work. Then I stopped talking to her completely unless it involved the kids or finances. We were still living together at the time so if she tried to start a conversation I would either ignore her, nod my head, or give very short answers like yes or no. If possible I would get up and go in another room or go do something.

The other important thing for me was starting to live my life again WITHOUT my WW in it. You want to take the focus off of your WS and put it back on YOU and what you want. This meant doing things I wanted to do. In the beginning it was tough since I had no idea what that was anymore so I made a list and put as much stuff on it as I could think of like work needed around the house, trips I wanted to take, things I wanted to do with the kids, basically a bucket list with big and small things on it so I had something to do from the list everyday for a long time. workign off the list gave me something to focus on other than my WW. I started going to the gym as much as possible, visited family on the weekends, or going to the movies to start living my life on my terms again. So make a list things, events, musems, hobbies, you want to do and start working on it.

The key for me was starting small. Pic one or 2 things off the 180 list and try that then build on it. Something as simple as nto making his plate at dinner anymore, no longer washing his clothes, not calling him at work, not saying good morning or good night can be a starting point. You know yourself best. Just stop donig the small things and they eventually turn into big things.

If you have children, they are 180 superchargers! All the time and energy you used to put in WS you now refocus on the kids. There is plenty of free stuff to do with kids. Museums, the park, day trip to another town, you name it. Focus on them and you take the focus off WS. I wish you the best keep at it. If you fall then get right back up and start again.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:56 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2201 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Expect Delays
♀ 23981
Member # 23981
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 180 is for you, to make you stronger. Having a slip here and there, especially in the beginning, happens. It just does. But the longer you go, the stronger you become, and the easier it gets.

You did the 180 for two days. See that for the achievement it was. Acknowledge the slip, then get back to the 180. This time you may make it for three days or four or twenty-six or...

A great title for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now

Me: born 1972 -- Him: born 1971 -- Met: 1990 -- Married: 1993 -- Two Sons: born 1996 and 1999 -- D-Day: 2009

Posts: 757 | Registered: May 2009
Topic Posts: 6

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