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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: For those who have reconciled....
♀ 38134
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you ever get to a point of trusting your wayward spouse 100% again?

I am 9 months after DDay (read my story) and I haven't told my WH I've forgiven him. I just couldn't yet. I still trigger a lot and still get very angry sometimes.

I am not sure if I could ever trust my WH fully again. I told him one day I know I will come to a point where I will forgive him - but trusting him fully again is another story.

How long after you found out did you forgive your WH?

My WH is doing everything right to make me feel safe - but I'm struggling to still to trust him.

[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 5:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
♀ 27871
Member # 27871
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please be gentle with yourself. Its only been 9 months. This betrayal takes years to get to the other side.
Years. That is with a remorseful spouse. This is a long haul.
Its been almost 3 years for me. My h is very remorseful. He is doing mostly everything he can to heal this rift he caused with his selfish behavior. I still trigger.
If you were raped, or if you were attacked. Would you feel like you need to get over it? If you came home and you h beat the crap outta you with a baseball bat. Outta nowhere. WHAP! Over and over. Then when you are a bloody heap in the corner.
He says. "My bad. I made a mistake.I don't know why I did that. I won't do it again." With time the wounds on the body heal. The wounds of the soul? Years. Would you put a timetable on your healing? Would you trust your h after 9 months not to meet you with that bat?
It takes time. This is now a part of your story. A scar that can heal in the proper setting. Be kind to yourself.

Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
♀ 37043
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can still have a positive, happy, fulfilling marriage without 100% trust.

Many would say you shouldn't trust anyone, ever, 100%. Only yourself...or not even yourself.

Many in R grow to be incredible trusting, if not 100%.

Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 38934
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try to take each day as it comes- do I trust her 100%? No.

Do I trust her today? It's 1PM and so far so good.

It might sound silly but it helps me- thinking ahead worries me so I try not to.

If I spend hours and hours today wondering if she'll cheat on me next month then get hit by a bus tomorrow, what was the point?

I hope you know what I'm getting at and I hope it helps.

BH-32 (me)

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
I think I can
♀ 17756
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. I live in a world where my H can cheat on me. But that's OK--that's actually true for everybody, I think. I trust him an awful lot.

I trust myself 100% and that is worth anything.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 9045 | Registered: Jan 2008
Topic Posts: 5

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