This Topic is Archived
Betrayed67 (original poster member #38134) posted at 11:30 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Did you ever get to a point of trusting your wayward spouse 100% again?
I am 9 months after DDay (read my story) and I haven't told my WH I've forgiven him. I just couldn't yet. I still trigger a lot and still get very angry sometimes.
I am not sure if I could ever trust my WH fully again. I told him one day I know I will come to a point where I will forgive him - but trusting him fully again is another story.
How long after you found out did you forgive your WH?
My WH is doing everything right to make me feel safe - but I'm struggling to still to trust him.
[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 5:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]
Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites
openedupmyeyes ( member #27871) posted at 11:47 AM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Please be gentle with yourself. Its only been 9 months. This betrayal takes years to get to the other side.
Years. That is with a remorseful spouse. This is a long haul.
Its been almost 3 years for me. My h is very remorseful. He is doing mostly everything he can to heal this rift he caused with his selfish behavior. I still trigger.
If you were raped, or if you were attacked. Would you feel like you need to get over it? If you came home and you h beat the crap outta you with a baseball bat. Outta nowhere. WHAP! Over and over. Then when you are a bloody heap in the corner.
He says. "My bad. I made a mistake.I don't know why I did that. I won't do it again." With time the wounds on the body heal. The wounds of the soul? Years. Would you put a timetable on your healing? Would you trust your h after 9 months not to meet you with that bat?
It takes time. This is now a part of your story. A scar that can heal in the proper setting. Be kind to yourself.
Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.
RockyMtn ( member #37043) posted at 12:51 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
You can still have a positive, happy, fulfilling marriage without 100% trust.
Many would say you shouldn't trust anyone, ever, 100%. Only yourself...or not even yourself.
Many in R grow to be incredible trusting, if not 100%.
Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.
idiot85 ( member #38934) posted at 1:01 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I try to take each day as it comes- do I trust her 100%? No.
Do I trust her today? It's 1PM and so far so good.
It might sound silly but it helps me- thinking ahead worries me so I try not to.
If I spend hours and hours today wondering if she'll cheat on me next month then get hit by a bus tomorrow, what was the point?
I hope you know what I'm getting at and I hope it helps.
BH-32 (me)
WW-31
Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.
I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 1:11 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Nope. I live in a world where my H can cheat on me. But that's OK--that's actually true for everybody, I think. I trust him an awful lot.
I trust myself 100% and that is worth anything.
I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.
This Topic is Archived
