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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Mind movies? This may help!
UKlady
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Exclaimation  Posted: 5:30 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday I started IC with the C we saw for MC. I'm not a fan of counselling generally but this particular C was excellent for WH and I when we did MC.

So my reason to start seeing her individually has to do with my cycles of going to dark places and putting our recovery back several steps.

WH and I are 8 months from DDay now and, on the whole, are doing well. He is doing everything he should to help us heal. However, still, still, I find myself obsessing over the physical stuff. I've always struggled with this even knowing the reasons behind the A (WH FOO issues and poor/non-existent coping strategies) and knowing that the sex was bland, unfulfilling, even knowing that he was manipulated by a very mentally unstable OW. Still I struggle with mind movies especially during sex with WH.

But I have hope! My IC suggested picturing the mind movie that I have playing in black and white and poor quality - she said to project it onto a blank wall, large size. Then she asked if I could picture a good movie of me and WH - which I can ('twas quite explicit! ) and for this to play bottom left of the big movie in small size but colour and in HD. Next I had to stretch that small, glorious movie right over the top of the poor quality black and white one and focus on that!

Well, it sounds good to me and I can understand the actions behind it. I will try it out but thought I should share in case it works for anyone else here too!


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the tip. I will try it also, I am having way to many lately.

Makes it hard to function.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
SmallButStrong
♀ 40128
Member # 40128
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha - I like the poor quality black and white idea. Maybe I'll go as far as to add dramatic piano to the background and speed up the reel a little, so it looks like a dumb silent movie!


Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 13 years at time of D-Day, 2 small children
D-day 1: 8/16/12 (told it was EA only)
D-day 2: 9/22/12 (the OW confessed to the truth and exposed the PA)
12 month affair, 10 months PA
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jul 2013
painpaingoaway
♀ 27196
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, great suggestion. Sounds like you have a wonderful IC that 'gets' it!


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7161 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be so hard on yourself, UKLady. It has only been 8 months since d-day. You haven't even gotten your "sea legs" yet.

At 8 months out I feel you are pretty much in the "normal" range of this journey. Still obsessing, two steps forward, a few back. Yeah, real normal.

That idea sounds good. I did something a little like that and it worked for me. Hope you have great success with it. Lets us know how it works out for you, please.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
2married2quit
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like this. Gonna try it.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1446 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
DWBH
♂ 35512
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds very similar to a method my IC taught me last year. Take the mind movie, and picture it on an old TV. Really old... B&W... grainy, etc. And then slowly fade the picture smaller and smaller, until the "TV" just shuts off.

Somehow, this imagery takes all the power away from the mind movie. Wonderful method, IMO.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 42 (ThornyRose)
M: 17 years, together 20
2 Daughters: 15 and 13
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
SmallButStrong
♀ 40128
Member # 40128
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just re-read this and realized how ridiculous it is that we have to do these crazy mind tricks to get through our daily lives. Wow.


Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 13 years at time of D-Day, 2 small children
D-day 1: 8/16/12 (told it was EA only)
D-day 2: 9/22/12 (the OW confessed to the truth and exposed the PA)
12 month affair, 10 months PA
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jul 2013
Tired05
♀ 39609
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad that it helps you. We BSes need anything we can get but honestly for me personally, that seems like a lot of work to do while I am spiraling down the Mind Movie Pit Straight to Hell.

I remember another SIer said something a few month before, and it still sticks with me.

Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a movie, an epicly passionate scene, with sparkles and heavenly clouds surrounding their bodies because they are just enjoying each other so much. So horrible that it is riping your body to shreds...imagine one of them suddenly farting.

I find myself smiling for quite a while after that, then coming up with others. Big hole in the earth opens up and swallows them both whole, imagining myself hitting an Eject button and the bed springing them into outer space, a giant bird swooping down and carrying one of them off to feed to it's young, etc.

Either way though, still sucks. Here's to hoping there will be a time in our lives when it doesn't suck.


Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
bionicgal
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love these suggestions!


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'll go as far as to add dramatic piano to the background

Funny!

UKlady, Wonderful that you have a C who understands and gives you a technique. Mine suggested I take an erotic image from a movie or create one from a book read and focus on that until I could handle the reality of being with H.

It didn't take long for some reason.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
UKlady
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear that this technique may help others here. I'm currently on a relative 'high' part of my roller coaster so haven't had to employ this but I will do.


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 12

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