So my reason to start seeing her individually has to do with my cycles of going to dark places and putting our recovery back several steps.
WH and I are 8 months from DDay now and, on the whole, are doing well. He is doing everything he should to help us heal. However, still, still, I find myself obsessing over the physical stuff. I've always struggled with this even knowing the reasons behind the A (WH FOO issues and poor/non-existent coping strategies) and knowing that the sex was bland, unfulfilling, even knowing that he was manipulated by a very mentally unstable OW. Still I struggle with mind movies especially during sex with WH.
But I have hope! My IC suggested picturing the mind movie that I have playing in black and white and poor quality - she said to project it onto a blank wall, large size. Then she asked if I could picture a good movie of me and WH - which I can ('twas quite explicit! ) and for this to play bottom left of the big movie in small size but colour and in HD. Next I had to stretch that small, glorious movie right over the top of the poor quality black and white one and focus on that!
Well, it sounds good to me and I can understand the actions behind it. I will try it out but thought I should share in case it works for anyone else here too!
Makes it hard to function.
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie
At 8 months out I feel you are pretty much in the "normal" range of this journey. Still obsessing, two steps forward, a few back. Yeah, real normal.
That idea sounds good. I did something a little like that and it worked for me. Hope you have great success with it. Lets us know how it works out for you, please.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Somehow, this imagery takes all the power away from the mind movie. Wonderful method, IMO.
I remember another SIer said something a few month before, and it still sticks with me.
Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a movie, an epicly passionate scene, with sparkles and heavenly clouds surrounding their bodies because they are just enjoying each other so much. So horrible that it is riping your body to shreds...imagine one of them suddenly farting.
I find myself smiling for quite a while after that, then coming up with others. Big hole in the earth opens up and swallows them both whole, imagining myself hitting an Eject button and the bed springing them into outer space, a giant bird swooping down and carrying one of them off to feed to it's young, etc.
Either way though, still sucks. Here's to hoping there will be a time in our lives when it doesn't suck.
Maybe I'll go as far as to add dramatic piano to the background
UKlady, Wonderful that you have a C who understands and gives you a technique. Mine suggested I take an erotic image from a movie or create one from a book read and focus on that until I could handle the reality of being with H.
It didn't take long for some reason.