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UKlady posted 9/12/2013 05:30 AM

Yesterday I started IC with the C we saw for MC. I'm not a fan of counselling generally but this particular C was excellent for WH and I when we did MC.

So my reason to start seeing her individually has to do with my cycles of going to dark places and putting our recovery back several steps.

WH and I are 8 months from DDay now and, on the whole, are doing well. He is doing everything he should to help us heal. However, still, still, I find myself obsessing over the physical stuff. I've always struggled with this even knowing the reasons behind the A (WH FOO issues and poor/non-existent coping strategies) and knowing that the sex was bland, unfulfilling, even knowing that he was manipulated by a very mentally unstable OW. Still I struggle with mind movies especially during sex with WH.

But I have hope! My IC suggested picturing the mind movie that I have playing in black and white and poor quality - she said to project it onto a blank wall, large size. Then she asked if I could picture a good movie of me and WH - which I can ('twas quite explicit! ) and for this to play bottom left of the big movie in small size but colour and in HD. Next I had to stretch that small, glorious movie right over the top of the poor quality black and white one and focus on that!

Well, it sounds good to me and I can understand the actions behind it. I will try it out but thought I should share in case it works for anyone else here too!

cantaccept posted 9/12/2013 05:40 AM

Thank you for the tip. I will try it also, I am having way to many lately.

Makes it hard to function.

SmallButStrong posted 9/12/2013 07:57 AM

Ha - I like the poor quality black and white idea. Maybe I'll go as far as to add dramatic piano to the background and speed up the reel a little, so it looks like a dumb silent movie!

painpaingoaway posted 9/12/2013 08:04 AM

Wow, great suggestion. Sounds like you have a wonderful IC that 'gets' it!

SisterMilkshake posted 9/12/2013 08:12 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself, UKLady. It has only been 8 months since d-day. You haven't even gotten your "sea legs" yet.

At 8 months out I feel you are pretty much in the "normal" range of this journey. Still obsessing, two steps forward, a few back. Yeah, real normal.

That idea sounds good. I did something a little like that and it worked for me. Hope you have great success with it. Lets us know how it works out for you, please.

2married2quit posted 9/12/2013 08:18 AM

I like this. Gonna try it.

DWBH posted 9/12/2013 12:49 PM

Sounds very similar to a method my IC taught me last year. Take the mind movie, and picture it on an old TV. Really old... B&W... grainy, etc. And then slowly fade the picture smaller and smaller, until the "TV" just shuts off.

Somehow, this imagery takes all the power away from the mind movie. Wonderful method, IMO.

SmallButStrong posted 9/12/2013 12:49 PM

I just re-read this and realized how ridiculous it is that we have to do these crazy mind tricks to get through our daily lives. Wow.

Tired05 posted 9/12/2013 20:26 PM

I'm glad that it helps you. We BSes need anything we can get but honestly for me personally, that seems like a lot of work to do while I am spiraling down the Mind Movie Pit Straight to Hell.

I remember another SIer said something a few month before, and it still sticks with me.

Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a movie, an epicly passionate scene, with sparkles and heavenly clouds surrounding their bodies because they are just enjoying each other so much. So horrible that it is riping your body to shreds...imagine one of them suddenly farting.

I find myself smiling for quite a while after that, then coming up with others. Big hole in the earth opens up and swallows them both whole, imagining myself hitting an Eject button and the bed springing them into outer space, a giant bird swooping down and carrying one of them off to feed to it's young, etc.

Either way though, still sucks. Here's to hoping there will be a time in our lives when it doesn't suck.

bionicgal posted 9/12/2013 20:29 PM

Love these suggestions!

LA44 posted 9/12/2013 20:35 PM

Maybe I'll go as far as to add dramatic piano to the background

Funny!

UKlady, Wonderful that you have a C who understands and gives you a technique. Mine suggested I take an erotic image from a movie or create one from a book read and focus on that until I could handle the reality of being with H.

It didn't take long for some reason.

UKlady posted 9/13/2013 09:38 AM

So glad to hear that this technique may help others here. I'm currently on a relative 'high' part of my roller coaster so haven't had to employ this but I will do.