For most of my marriage all I did was give give give. Its never been about me and my needs. I feel I have gone above and beyond to meet H's needs.
But, he still cheated emotionally with OW.
Its never been about meeting my needs even when I was pregnant or the few times I was actually sick. Just this spring, I was really sick and had to go to the ER and do you know what he did? chatted with some woman online about how he is so lonely and his sexual needs were not getting met that night and how i don't give him enough sex--despite the fact that I just did have sex with him the day before.
His needs ? what about my needs?
I think--maybe he never really understood the sacrificial love a successful marriage requires ? Not sure if he ever understood that he was supposed to be meeting my emotional needs?
Over the years he has had multiple health problems. he has had a major surgery on a different part of his body about every 1-2 years over the past 16 years.
So...he just had another surgery 2 weeks ago. And I am supposed to be meeting his needs again...I feel so spent on this.
I was improving--things seemed to be improving--but now they are back to me being down all the time. I just have nothing left to give him. He needs me to be there for him again...but after finding about his OW and wayward behaviors, I just feel like its really hard. I find myself resentful that I have to be there for him again when he is supposed to be there for me to heal...which he really feels its nothing and I should just get past. So he is mad that I keep concentrating on the past.
surgery is also a trigger since the one time in 2010 when he was involved with OW, there was an email in which he thanked HER for saving his life duirng that particular emergency surgery...I guess he had called her first saying he was in pain and she urged him to go to the hospital...meanwhile, his boss called me to take him to the hospital. I carried him out of his job with his boss and took him to the hospital. I stayed there through the surgery, I went back in forth for the 2 weeks he was there despite having a newborn and 5 other kids. I rearranged my life, was loving, giving, I was there and he has the gall to thank HER?
of course he apologizes now for that, but still...I guess I am tired of being the one that takes care of him when i feel like I am crumbled mess. When is he going to take care of me? Just not getting what I need here and don't want to give any more to him...but I guess with being married and what I am suppose to do is be there even when I don't want to?