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Back to School Night - Vent - Long

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simplydevastated posted 9/12/2013 09:11 AM

I enjoy these nights. I love going in and seeing the classrooms and talking to the teachers. It's fun for me.

That being said, I'm fucking pissed. This is husband related but not infidelity related which is why I'm posting here.


I'm sitting at DS10's desk and I'm tidying it a bit before the teacher starts her speech. His first comment "shouldn't he being doing that?" It wasn't a mess but I like to just move things about a bit so my son knows I looked in his desk.

Then the teacher starts her speech. I'm listening, he's about 6 ft away from me. She starts talking about this online program for grades and assignments etc...(I have issues with this as I feel if a bank can have their sites hacked and have acct numbers stolen then so can a school. Maybe I'm a bit over protective of my children and their privacy, I don't know) At this point she mentioned that she only has one code to hand out that night and if there's a "multi-home." (read divorced) family who needs another code to contact the guidance office. One father cracks a joke and says "Oh I see, the one code is for the mom's blah, blah, blah." Most people got a chuckle out of it. Not my husband. He took complete offense. I have no idea why. The teacher didn't single anyone out, didn't say it in a nasty way, nothing. He was so offended he was visibly pissed off.

Then she brings up 9/11. She said that she didn't feel that it was something to be discussed in school (paraphrasing). She did talk about it but kept it more on the lighter side and said how the first responders are heroes because of what they did and she talked about the rescue dogs and how we all came together etc... I thought that was a nice way to talk about 9/11. Guess who got offended again? Now, he's tapping his foot, and the expression on his face was that he wanted to explode. I really don't know what his issue is.

The teacher "held us after class" to talk about a few things, nothing bad and I made a comment about DS10 having low self-esteem. Another mistake on my part.

So we finally leave and are in the car and wants to talk (even though he ignores me every other day) about the low self-esteem comment I made. I told him that is what son said about him in the paper work from when he was in 2nd grade going through some testing. He said he didn't remember that because it was 2nd grade. I kept this part to myself and thought "that's because you didn't read any of it."

Then he brings up the divorce comment and how he was so offended. I was shocked and asked why. I said "it's 2013 there's divorces couples all over the place. All she was saying is that she only had one code." His response was "I don't know, I just found it offensive." Fine...

Then he brings up 9/11 and how it shouldn't be left out of schools etc... I said "I don't think that's what she meant. I took it that she felt the parents should decided what their children learn about it because they'll know what they can handle and what they can't." I then said, "I don't see a problem with her keeping it on the lighter side." He goes off saying it's important for the kids to learn about it (I agree) and it shouldn't be left out (I agree). He was saying more that I don't remember now because it was getting heated.

So now he's not happy with me. Why, I have no idea. I'm just able to see many different sides to certain issues and I understand where other people's reasoning behind things. I didn't find anything offensive about last night.

This morning I checked his twitter timeline(it's public so if I gave you his username you'd be able to read what I read. I don't have his password). I already know I need to stop this. Anyway... I'm reading his tweets and he's bashing me and the teacher to his gaming buddies over the divorce comment and 9/11. Then he says "my wife backed the school up! WTF!" So am I not allowed to have my own opinion on issues? Am I not allowed to speak about them? Do I have agree with everything he says and does? That's what I'm pissed about. Whenever I say anything he twists it to his friends.

I could say more about the other things he's said about me AND our son but I'm trying to stay on topic.

I just got off the phone with my mom and told her all about it. She can't believe it.

Ugh! I'm so pissed! This is why I don't say anything.

If you've made it this far thank you for reading. I really needed to get this off my chest.

idiot85 posted 9/12/2013 09:24 AM

Just wanted to say... I read it and it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong- he sounds like he's being a bit of a muppet... Maybe he's doing the whole you say black so I'll say white type of thing and was just in a bad mood for some reason... I don't know but I'm on team SD for this one just let it wash over you!

Kajem posted 9/12/2013 09:26 AM

I'd be pissed too.

Give your son some extra hugs and find something to laugh at. Doing that helps to lower my BP when I have to deal with him twisting everything I say.


million pieces posted 9/12/2013 11:22 AM

We had an odd dad get pissy at our back to school night too. Teacher started explaining about how 5th grade organization can help w middle school next year, and what she was doing and how for most kids this "table of contents" was an easy A. She didn't do the best at explaining it and my son sure didn't tell me about it, but as she has been a teacher for years I trust that she knows what she is doing. She said this was a learning tool and she would help those that were struggling and no one was going to fail. This one dad starts asking if this is part of the "curriculum" and how he was going to be very upset if his dd fails something that is not part of the curriculum. He is so angry he is shaking. It was so over the top.

sullymeishadomi posted 9/12/2013 18:27 PM

((Simply)). I deal with this sort of thing all the time. Its twisting of the truth to make the other person look bad. Spouse doesnt get involved much with the kids and im learning not to share info with him. It makes it less problematic.

If this is not normally how your h behaves, my guess is he is having a "bad hair" period.

million pieces posted 9/12/2013 20:02 PM

I meant to add to my previous post, now I wonder if this father was "posturing" for someone else in the room (ie an ex).

Sad in AZ posted 9/12/2013 20:25 PM

I wish you wouldn't give him so much space in your head, SD. He's a douche; you're in limbo because you can't find a way out. Don't give yourself a stroke paying any more attention to him than you would a random idiot on the street.

simplydevastated posted 9/12/2013 20:34 PM

Thank you everyone. I appreciate all of your responses.

I know you're right, Sad.

Sully, this is something he does all the time. If he doesn't like what I say he twists it and complains about me to his friends.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 8:34 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

hurtbs posted 9/12/2013 20:46 PM

Wow SD... wow....

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