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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Advice on what to do next....
MJane
♀ 40571
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since I sent the mail to my H saying I thought he was stalling on sending DNC to OW and hedging his bets I've had NO response at all - not texts, no calls...I admit I've just tried to call him (twice) as 8 hours went by (am in Europe so we're at end of working day). If he cared the slightest wouldn't he have found the time to call me or write me a mail? I guess this bodes ill...am also annoyed at myself for not playing it cool but I am so confused - a big part of me wants him to be truly contrite and to get my life bag, while another is saying that this just proves he is stringing me along and maybe it is time to move on....am so lost and so tired

Posts: 263 | Registered: Sep 2013
1Faith
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MJane

Gently, you can't control what you WH does or doesn't do.

Yes, logically it would make sense if he truly wanted to work things out with you then he would be working is ass off to show you through his actions.

This includes the NC letter and calling you back.

He is being selfish and self serving. Bottom line.

Try, and I say try because I know it is hard. But try to start focusing on you.

Don't be annoyed at yourself, you are simply trying to gain some knowledge and understanding. Be your own best friend right now. Pick yourself off and know that this is NOT yours to own.

Please consider talking to someone in real life. A pastor, IC, a trusted friend or family member. You need love and support.

Good luck. Hugs


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Apr 2013
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly? He's "punishing" you for daring to tell him that you want him to get off of the fence and get rid of the OW. He's ignoring you, so that you will chase him, thus proving to him and to you, how important he is, how desirable, and how much you cannot do without him.

He is taking your power and your dignity from you.

You cannot force him to do anything. You do not have the power. The only person you can force is yourself. So use that power.

Stop trying to communicate with him. Get to a lawyer. File. Move his possessions out of your room and into another room, or hefty bag them on the lawn. Serve him with the divorce papers the minute he steps off of the plane or out of the car.

As long as you allow yourself to be Plan B, he will continue on happily making you his second choice. Step out of that nasty little loop and start a new path. IF he gets his head out of his ass and comes to his senses, you can always put the divorce on hold, wait, or cancel it. But now is the time for you to act with pride, strength, and courage. Weak people are not attractive. Strong people are.

Find your strength and draw your line in the sand. Or have sand kicked in your face for a long, long time. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5255 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Broken1Again
♀ 32211
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

All of this. He is in my opinion doing something he shouldn't be and he may even pull nicey nicey when he's done "I didn't hear my phone, it died" blah blah blah but man if he really was sorry and remorseful he would call you from a pay phone to let you know his phone died because he loves you that much.

Don't call him anymore and as hard as this will be, when he calls you (and he will) don't answer. They say you should take just as long as the other person to call back. Take longer....in fact take forever. He doesn't deserve a phone call from you.

Post here instead...


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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