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My lawyer just informed me that I don't need a QDRO to get his IRA rollover account.
It would just be written in to the divorce decree.
I just talked to the financial planner of the IRA account, and he told me he has never done an "exchange" of an IRA without a QDRO.
I don't know what to do.
The cheater is on a rampage at me. I had the nerve to go out to dinner last night and not let him know.
He is threatening all kinds of things.
My lawyer said he would have a draft of the decree by Monday.
The cheater is demanding to see a copy of the QDRO.
If I tell him that we don't need one, he is going to go nuts because he thinks his financial planner of the IRA walks on water. And he constantly tells me I picked a shitty lawyer.
I am panicked, sickened and don't know who or what to believe or do.
Anyone familiar with QDRO and IRA's???
Thank you so much.

According to the latest draft of my final decree, some of our assets are going to QDRO, some are named & split in the decree.

QDRO stands for qualified domestic relations order. Of course you need a QDRO if you ever hope to see your portion of the split of marital assets. It orders the distribution through the domestic relations department, although the actual QDRO has to go through the the benefits administrator of your stbx's company, after its processed it then goes to the judge and once he signs off, it is out of your stbx's hands. I myself am refusing to process the divorce until all QDRO's are complete, bc I have heard here on this board of many ex spouses chasing their ex for years to get the order processed. Please follow through and demand a QDRO. If your lawyer is unwilling to do this then you may need to find a different lawyer. Good luck and stick to your guns.

I don't have experience with this, but found this online:

Do I need a QDRO for an IRA?

The answer is no, but we continue to recommend that a QDRO be entered for IRA transfers. It is true that certain changes in the law permit divorcing parties to transfer a portion of their IRA from one spouse to the other pursuant to a standard divorce decree or property settlement agreement. While the law permits this, many banks, brokerage firms and IRA custodians are ill equipped to handle the transfer properly. The IRA custodian will gladly do the transfer, but it often creates a taxable event for one or both parties because of the automatic reporting systems that most banks and brokerage firms use which notify the IRS of distributions and transfers into and out of IRA accounts. The result is often that the participant’s social security number is electronically reported to the IRS as having received the transferred money and taxes and excise penalties can be assessed for early withdrawal. The participant can use the divorce decree to negotiate with the IRS after the fact, but this additional paperwork and hardship can be avoided by having the transfer occur pursuant to a QDRO. Without a QDRO, either or both parties can be assessed taxes and penalties on money they have not even taken out of the bank. With a QDRO on file with the Court, either or both parties can insist that the IRA custodian amend any incorrect IRS reports.

Oops, I should have read more carefully before I posted. I did not "read" IRA, but my advise would still be to get one to save yourself more work and worry. Take care.

Thanks for the replies. I did email my lawyer.
I'm going to call and tell him I want to do one.
This is turning in to a mess. Because I didn't tell him my dinner plans he is "taking me down with him"
He has a list of stipulations. How can someone who did what he did for 4 years treat me even worse when I am barely hanging on to my sanity as it is??

He has a list of stipulations.

FTG.

What is your list of stipulations? Does he not have a lawyer??? His lawyer can send your lawyer the (cue scary music) list of stipulations. Then your lawyer can wipe his ass with it and send it back over for their consideration. Fuck his stipulations.

[This message edited by tesla at 5:58 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]