A wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.
I don't have experience with this, but found this online:
Do I need a QDRO for an IRA?
The answer is no, but we continue to recommend that a QDRO be entered for IRA transfers. It is true that certain changes in the law permit divorcing parties to transfer a portion of their IRA from one spouse to the other pursuant to a standard divorce decree or property settlement agreement. While the law permits this, many banks, brokerage firms and IRA custodians are ill equipped to handle the transfer properly. The IRA custodian will gladly do the transfer, but it often creates a taxable event for one or both parties because of the automatic reporting systems that most banks and brokerage firms use which notify the IRS of distributions and transfers into and out of IRA accounts. The result is often that the participantís social security number is electronically reported to the IRS as having received the transferred money and taxes and excise penalties can be assessed for early withdrawal. The participant can use the divorce decree to negotiate with the IRS after the fact, but this additional paperwork and hardship can be avoided by having the transfer occur pursuant to a QDRO. Without a QDRO, either or both parties can be assessed taxes and penalties on money they have not even taken out of the bank. With a QDRO on file with the Court, either or both parties can insist that the IRA custodian amend any incorrect IRS reports.
If you want them to quit stabbing you in the back, then you need to quit handing them the knife.