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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: He got served....
FogHater
♀ 33156
Member # 33156
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well he got served I was not home
So he called me we talked for awhile.
He wants to work on r marriage.
So I told him that means counseling doing things together and being honest.
He has done all those things...except
She's is not going quietly....she is pissed as hell!
Says she will ruin him in my eyes..he's already done that..as long as u tell me the truth before she does.
He answers my questions when I ask
Has been honest.
But I just want to get on with healing and starting over, y can't she just let it go. He doesn't want u...she's trailer trash...so that's not going to happen.
Sorry this is long i need to get this out.
He is looking for another job since they work the same shift now...and he says she stalks him all the time. I tell him to ignore and walk away, which he does but I'm not there...so I don't know for sure.
I don't know that I need advice or just to talk....
Thanks for Listening


I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((FogHater)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10087 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Foghater..you need to be very careful about trusting him..this is a pattern..right? You get upset and tell him you're going to file(and actually did this time)...he swears he will change and do this and that..but continues on with OW..lather..rinse..repeat.

This time..if he is serious..he needs to do things differently. Did he write a NC email to OW..and you sent it so you now she got it..unaltered?

Please be very careful.

[This message edited by confused615 at 12:07 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8086 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you saying he got served with D papers? Sorry, I don't know your full story. Are you seperated? You say he is doing everything as states he wants the marriage. What do you want?

As far as the AP. Yes, it's his fault she is in your marriage in the first place, but if he has told her he wants his marriage and not her, and is NC you can no longer hold that against him. Is he willing to file a RO to get her out of his marriage now? I know that a lot of these OW fall in love (thanks to our spouses), when all the wayward really wanted was a secret fuckbuddy and ego stroker. Sorry about all the questions, I am just trying to understand what is going on in your sitch.


BW-52
WH#2-53
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
DD#4-11/28/14 He ran off to be with OW after assaulting me
Divorcing

Posts: 2506 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
FogHater
♀ 33156
Member # 33156
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is actively looking for another job, which he has never done before.
We start counseling tomorrow
His uncle died last week and he wanted to go to the funeral that was a WOW moment for me.
I really thought he wouldn't want to go, but we did and had a great time considering what we went down there for.
It was great to see family and he was like his old self...I missed that man sooo much.
Confused..u r right it is a pattern but it feels different this time. Not sure I can explain it, I'm sure u know what I'm talking about.
He is talking more we r doing more things together
Holding hands, touching and kissing.
He has not sent her a NC email, but I will ask him to do that.
Trust...we r not separated I just got tired of feeling like his sloppy seconds...and filed it really shook him up he never thought I would do that in a million yrs.
It kinda worries me that he says she's mad and gonna go after me but nothing happens. He's told me that before and nothing happens..because he doesn't enforce it.
How do I know for sure?


I don't know what I'm doing
but I know what I'm not doing

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Illinois
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is she going to come after you? Can you get an RO?


Oh yes...I understand that it "feels different this time." Completely. It took my WH awhile to "get it." But he has..and the difference is HUGE..so I get it.

Just..be careful. Trust but verify. Hopefully your WH is sincere this time around...I pray he is..you deserve to be happy.

((((FogHater))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8086 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it takes consequences for them to finally realize what they stand to lose. I think at this point you need to see what his actions are before you can decide if you want the D or R. Unfortunately there is no guarantee either way. I don't think any of us will ever know for sure if our WS is capable of not doing it to us again. It is a gamble that you must be willing to take if you decide to try to R. At this point, he has alot to prove with his actions. Even a NC letter means nothing unless he is willing to truely be NC and get her out of your marriage. I think getting another job is great, but that doesn't mean he will not do it again somewhere else, but it is a start. Hopefully the D papers woke him up enough to do everything in his pwer to heal himself, you, and the marriage. (((HUGS)))


BW-52
WH#2-53
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
DD#4-11/28/14 He ran off to be with OW after assaulting me
Divorcing

Posts: 2506 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 7

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