"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Camalus posted 9/12/2013 13:36 PM

The POS OM called me a few minutes ago.

Someone I had contacted back in Atlanta let him know I was digging for information. He told me in no uncertain terms to drop it and leave the past in the past. He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’. I, not so politely, told him to F Off and hung up.

How bizarre! He doesn’t want me messing with his marriage? WTF? He is the one that inserted himself in my marriage. From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98 so it’s not like he has to worry about me calling and telling her about it. Too bad she didn’t bother to tell me about it but no sense crying over should of, would of, and could of.

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?

She11ybeanz posted 9/12/2013 13:39 PM

F*&K HIM!!!! I wish that I had contacted the BH of OW when my XWH and her affair came out! She threatened me with a letter from a lawyer saying that if I tried to contact anyone related to her or her husband that she would take legal action against me. At the time, I fell for it, but in hindsight, I wish I had told him. I tried to mail him their dirty emails a year later to his job but I have no idea if he actually got them or not.

lieshurt posted 9/12/2013 13:41 PM

From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98

Perhaps this isn't true and that's why the OM is telling you to stay away?

1Faith posted 9/12/2013 13:42 PM

Oh Tired

He is a coward and he is projecting.

He is scared of what other ramifications can occur due to his inexcusable behavior.

Have you spoken to his BW? I might simply call her and let her know you now know.

I did. The OW's BH found out six months before I did of the A and did not contact me. Thought he was saving me the pain (noble but ugh !!).

Once I discovered it, I let him know I knew and wished he'd had contacted me. Water under the bridge but hopefully if his skank of a wife decides to continue her cheating ways then he will notify the next BS.

He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’

Irony at it's finest. If he calls again, record it as it could be used as evidence as a threat.

Sorry you have to deal with all the bull associated with their choices and an irrational AP to boot. Did you tell your WW?

Hugs and prayers.

confused615 posted 9/12/2013 13:42 PM

It sounds like his wife does NOT know about the affair.

Whoever told you she did may have been misinformed..or they lied.

His wife needs to know..she deserves to know the truth about her marriage..just as you did/do.

Call her...tell her. Don't warn your wife before you do it. She may warn OM.

If his wife does know..there's no harm in you checking to make sure....and it's very possible you..or his BW..will know..info the other doesn't.

StillGoing posted 9/12/2013 13:51 PM

That sounds like the BW doesn't know or doesn't have all the details. The OM would not be calling like that unless he was worried about shit you may stir to the surface.

Crushed1 posted 9/12/2013 13:53 PM

If this info is true, he's scared of you and doesn't want you opening up the past. TFB for him! I hope you can find out the truth.

EasyDoesIt posted 9/12/2013 14:02 PM

I'm thinking you need to contact his BW and out the situation one way or another. Since when does he get to tell you what to do?

lovedmesomehim posted 9/12/2013 14:07 PM

I'm sorry you have to deal with this self-absorbed guy. I agree with the others and perhaps you were misinformed about the discovery.

If his wife already knew, then perhaps your wife was not the only affair partner he had. Or, perhaps he has engaged in another affair since then and the BW has just about had her fill of him. You know how it could go: "If I find one more thing, then I'll kick you out of here."

These people drop bombs on someone else's marriage and then cry "foul" when it comes back upon them.

No warnings to your wife...just get the info to the BW. Stay calm and steady. Good luck.

ineedtoleave posted 9/12/2013 14:09 PM

That is EXACTLY what OW told me in an e-mail after I exposed the A to her husband. Takes some nerve, huh??? I will NEVER stop being angry over that one...

sinsof thefather posted 9/12/2013 14:10 PM

So. Not a shred of remorse, no hint of an apology, just a virtual threat. What a low class slime-ball that man really is.

tired, I very much doubt his wife knows the full extent of the affair - that's why he's trying to frighten you off. How he has the gall to talk about you messing with his marriage after what he helped to do to yours, literally staggers me - and tells you a hell of a lot about him.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 9/12/2013 14:19 PM

MOW was livid that I forwarded love letters SHE wrote to my H. She told me to stay out of her M (via an email). I gave her crickets, but I so wish I had at least said "the way you stayed out of mine?"

Some just don't get it. Her H accepted her blame shifting and offered forgiveness immediately. My H wasn't her first and surely not her last. But know what - neither of them is my problem. They deserve each other.

tushnurse posted 9/12/2013 14:44 PM

Wow what a douche, I can see why your wife was wildly attracted to him....(Insert smartass smiley face here)

Who knows, who cares, if she knows doesn't know. If she did know then, and didn't tell you then shame on her. I certainly wouldn't let him bully you one way or the other, but dgiven the amount of time since it happened I would be tempted to let that sleeping dog lay.

LoveActually posted 9/12/2013 15:53 PM

I think it's coming from pure fear--if he was secure in his life and wife he would give two shits about you or anything else.

When I e-mailed the OW's husband she called me the next day and told me to "stop bothering her" or she would call the police. WTF..uhhh you kinda bothered me first. She was scared crapless when her husband found out she thought she was safe since it took me almost two years to figure out how to get in touch with him--I'm sure she snowed it over with him and I'm sure told him I was some bat shit crazy woman that was stalking her. Oh well--if I made her squirm for even a day I'm good with that.

nuance posted 9/12/2013 22:42 PM

How did he learn about you knowing and confronting recently? Did your W contact him?

jb3199 posted 9/13/2013 05:13 AM

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?

Because he is a scumbag, paranoid, piece of shit. Hell, I want to go over to his house and choke him for you.

The truth is, you do not know what the POS's BW is and is not aware of. And if you feel the need to contact her, don't hesitate a minute to do so. If you are pretty certain in your mind that she does already know, and that OM is just running scared, then it is your call on whether to pursue this any further.

I know that it is said not to let the AP take any of our head space, but damn, it is stuff like this---unremorseful pieces of trash---making threats to stay out of THEIR lives, that makes my blood boil.

MediumRare posted 9/13/2013 13:40 PM

From what I have heard..

Obviously, there is a lot you haven't heard if this guy called you with a threat.

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?

Because he hasn't come to terms yet that it was his dick that messed with his marriage. Everything else is just collateral damage.

Time to bust out the garden sheers...