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Camalus (original poster member #40199) posted at 7:36 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
The POS OM called me a few minutes ago.
Someone I had contacted back in Atlanta let him know I was digging for information. He told me in no uncertain terms to drop it and leave the past in the past. He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’. I, not so politely, told him to F Off and hung up.
How bizarre! He doesn’t want me messing with his marriage? WTF? He is the one that inserted himself in my marriage. From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98 so it’s not like he has to worry about me calling and telling her about it. Too bad she didn’t bother to tell me about it but no sense crying over should of, would of, and could of.
Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?
Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs
Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.
She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 7:39 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
F*&K HIM!!!! I wish that I had contacted the BH of OW when my XWH and her affair came out! She threatened me with a letter from a lawyer saying that if I tried to contact anyone related to her or her husband that she would take legal action against me. At the time, I fell for it, but in hindsight, I wish I had told him. I tried to mail him their dirty emails a year later to his job but I have no idea if he actually got them or not. 
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 7:41 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98
Perhaps this isn't true and that's why the OM is telling you to stay away?
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
1Faith ( member #38975) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Oh Tired
He is a coward and he is projecting.
He is scared of what other ramifications can occur due to his inexcusable behavior.
Have you spoken to his BW? I might simply call her and let her know you now know.
I did. The OW's BH found out six months before I did of the A and did not contact me. Thought he was saving me the pain (noble but ugh !!).
Once I discovered it, I let him know I knew and wished he'd had contacted me. Water under the bridge but hopefully if his skank of a wife decides to continue her cheating ways then he will notify the next BS.
He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’
Irony at it's finest. If he calls again, record it as it could be used as evidence as a threat.
Sorry you have to deal with all the bull associated with their choices and an irrational AP to boot. Did you tell your WW?
Hugs and prayers. 
Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
It sounds like his wife does NOT know about the affair.
Whoever told you she did may have been misinformed..or they lied.
His wife needs to know..she deserves to know the truth about her marriage..just as you did/do.
Call her...tell her. Don't warn your wife before you do it. She may warn OM.
If his wife does know..there's no harm in you checking to make sure....and it's very possible you..or his BW..will know..info the other doesn't.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 7:51 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
That sounds like the BW doesn't know or doesn't have all the details. The OM would not be calling like that unless he was worried about shit you may stir to the surface.
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 7:53 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
If this info is true, he's scared of you and doesn't want you opening up the past. TFB for him! I hope you can find out the truth.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
EasyDoesIt ( member #29514) posted at 8:02 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I'm thinking you need to contact his BW and out the situation one way or another. Since when does he get to tell you what to do?
Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.
lovedmesomehim ( member #25743) posted at 8:07 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I'm sorry you have to deal with this self-absorbed guy. I agree with the others and perhaps you were misinformed about the discovery.
If his wife already knew, then perhaps your wife was not the only affair partner he had. Or, perhaps he has engaged in another affair since then and the BW has just about had her fill of him. You know how it could go: "If I find one more thing, then I'll kick you out of here."
These people drop bombs on someone else's marriage and then cry "foul" when it comes back upon them.
No warnings to your wife...just get the info to the BW. Stay calm and steady. Good luck.
ineedtoleave ( member #29332) posted at 8:09 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
That is EXACTLY what OW told me in an e-mail after I exposed the A to her husband. Takes some nerve, huh??? I will NEVER stop being angry over that one...
BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
sinsof thefather ( member #29295) posted at 8:10 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
So. Not a shred of remorse, no hint of an apology, just a virtual threat. What a low class slime-ball that man really is. 
tired, I very much doubt his wife knows the full extent of the affair - that's why he's trying to frighten you off. How he has the gall to talk about you messing with his marriage after what he helped to do to yours, literally staggers me - and tells you a hell of a lot about him.
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 8:19 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
MOW was livid that I forwarded love letters SHE wrote to my H. She told me to stay out of her M (via an email). I gave her crickets, but I so wish I had at least said "the way you stayed out of mine?"
Some just don't get it. Her H accepted her blame shifting and offered forgiveness immediately. My H wasn't her first and surely not her last. But know what - neither of them is my problem. They deserve each other.
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 8:44 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
Wow what a douche, I can see why your wife was wildly attracted to him....(Insert smartass smiley face here)
Who knows, who cares, if she knows doesn't know. If she did know then, and didn't tell you then shame on her. I certainly wouldn't let him bully you one way or the other, but dgiven the amount of time since it happened I would be tempted to let that sleeping dog lay.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
LoveActually ( member #31030) posted at 9:53 PM on Thursday, September 12th, 2013
I think it's coming from pure fear--if he was secure in his life and wife he would give two shits about you or anything else.
When I e-mailed the OW's husband she called me the next day and told me to "stop bothering her" or she would call the police. WTF..uhhh you kinda bothered me first. She was scared crapless when her husband found out she thought she was safe since it took me almost two years to figure out how to get in touch with him--I'm sure she snowed it over with him and I'm sure told him I was some bat shit crazy woman that was stalking her. Oh well--if I made her squirm for even a day I'm good with that.
BS (Me) WS (Him) D-Day 5/29/09Married 15 yrs, together 20 yrs
nuance ( member #28793) posted at 4:42 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
How did he learn about you knowing and confronting recently? Did your W contact him?
Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 11:13 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?
Because he is a scumbag, paranoid, piece of shit. Hell, I want to go over to his house and choke him for you.
The truth is, you do not know what the POS's BW is and is not aware of. And if you feel the need to contact her, don't hesitate a minute to do so. If you are pretty certain in your mind that she does already know, and that OM is just running scared, then it is your call on whether to pursue this any further.
I know that it is said not to let the AP take any of our head space, but damn, it is stuff like this---unremorseful pieces of trash---making threats to stay out of THEIR lives, that makes my blood boil.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
MediumRare ( member #35128) posted at 7:40 PM on Friday, September 13th, 2013
From what I have heard..
Obviously, there is a lot you haven't heard if this guy called you with a threat.
Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?
Because he hasn't come to terms yet that it was his dick that messed with his marriage. Everything else is just collateral damage.
Time to bust out the garden sheers...
BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012
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