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Newest Member: EllaE21 (60723)

User Topic: Still struggling
♀ 35789
Member # 35789
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted in quite a while... but something is really bothering me lately.

After my WH broke it off with his AP, she showed up at our house to let me know she existed. I was clueless and devastated. For the next 4 months, TT. One day I came across a RX and syringes. I called my husband at work and told him what I had found and he immediately left work and came home. He was in a rage! He told me what the RX was - even though I had already looked it up on the internet. It was a RX for impotence or ED. Something you inject directly into your penis to get an erection. I had never heard of this particular RX before or this method of delivery.

That is when my husband finally admitted to me that he had been sleeping with another woman. It was horrible the things he said. It came out during that terrible argument that he had had to begin using this RX after he and his first wife divorced. He had used it when we began having sex and I have no idea when he stopped using it. At some point, he just didn't need to use it anymore when we had sex.

Roughly a year after we had been married, my husband's desire for sex seemed to diminish. When I would ask him about this, he would tell me nothing was wrong, he still was in love with me, nothing had changed, etc.

It was distressing to me. I really enjoyed our sex life the way it was before. I began to feel bad about myself and wonder if I was still attractive to my husband or what was wrong with me that made him not desire me as much as he had previously. It really took a toll on my self esteem.

Sometimes we would argue about sex. Him telling me there was nothing wrong, and me KNOWING something was wrong. Sometimes he would call me a NYMPHO. I knew that wasn't true, but he made me feel so bad about myself because I wanted to make love the way we had before. When we did have sex, it was wonderful but I would always wonder when would be the next time we would have sex? a week? Two weeks? I could not understand what had happened.

At some point in our marriage my husband went for his ck up at his urologist and discovered his testosterone level was extremely low. My husband was prescribed testosterone shots and it seemed to help. It wasn't like when we first started sleeping together but it was better.

In 2011 my husband had an affair for 7 months with a 24 year old girl who was 33 years younger than him. That is when he started using the shots again. Here is what I have ben struggling with most recently...

My husband duped me into marrying him by leading me to believe he was sexually capable of satisfying me. He knew sex was an important part of marriage to me because we discussed it. After we married, he stopped using those shots and deliberately made me believe it was ME that had a problem when it was him all along and he was not honest enough to tell me. Even tho I was quite distressed about the decrease in our sex life, I never once thought of going outside our marriage for sex. This discovery has made me realize that my husband has lied to me since the beginning of our relationship!!

In 2012, about 5 weeks after discovering my husband had indeed been having a full blown PA, he was diagnosed with throat CA. For 3 months last summer, my husband had radiation every day and chemo once a week. Really, for the rest of 2012, we were just focused on trying to make sure that he would live. The CA diagnosis definitely put dealing with his affair second to dealing with his CA.

What I feel like is that I am just married to man who LIES. His sex drive has definitely been diminished even more now. He is 59, I am 51. I ask myself " so.. what about me?" Is that part of my life just dwindling away to nothing? My husband has really done a number on me! What was wrong?? I mean, here I was at home ready willing and able for sex, but my husband goes out and has an affair?

I am having a really hard time with all the lies - that date back to when we first started dating and then having sex - before he ever even had an affair!!

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: one of the southern states
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


That's a lot to deal with.

What do you really want, right now? You don't have to stay because he's "really sorry", or even because he's sick.

We can't change the past, but we can take whatever steps we want on our own path to happiness.

You don't have to make any decisions right this second - but listen to your heart. If this really was a dealbreaker, it's ok. You're within your rights to say so.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, that's ok too - as long as he is not abusing your trust anymore.

Hugs and strength.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 2

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