Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: Complete panic, meltdown... Still shaking
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've shared here before that I gave my first child up for adoption 26 years ago. I know where she is now but she is not open to a reunion or relationship at this time.

I have a small box that has gone everywhere with me for 26 years. There are 2 photo albums with pictures of my daughter, me, and friends/family during the two days in the hospital. There is a blanket, the dress she wore for her dedication service the 1st night, one of the little shirts they wear in the nursery and the little stocking hat. Her footprints and crib card.

It is all I have of her. Possibly all I ever will have of her.

I've been invited to speak at a fund raiser for the crisis pregnancy center where I had my pg test and tonight I looked for the box to find some pictures to use.

And I could not find it. I tore apart the shed, my closet, JM's closet, everywhere I could think of. I was a shivering, sobbing, wreck. I could not breathe. My kids were so sweet and tried to help but my panic just accelerated exponentially. I tried JM on his cell. (He's at work of course) I finally broke down and called his work # which is very difficult for me to do. (Won't say any more about that since we are in OT)

By some miracle he was the one who answered the phone. And he knew exactly where the box is. He said he saw it in the attic a couple of weeks ago. He will get it down tomorrow.

I still can't stop shaking. And the tears keep flowing.

I thought it was gone.

Thanks for letting me share. Those who pray, I sure could use some that my daughter will soon decide she'd like to know me.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2875 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
teacheribe
♀ 10376
Member # 10376
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HUGS))))


BS me 53
FWH 57
Married for 32 years
Live for today.

Posts: 1709 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Virginia
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HFSSC))) I am so sorry. I so hate that panicky feeling. I also get instantly nauseous to add to the fun.

That is so sweet that your children were helping. And I am so happy JM answered the phone and knew exactly what you were talking about and where to find it.

Now, sit and take a couple of deep breaths. Go to your happy place. It is all good. It is all good. It is all good.

I sure hope your daughter gets to a place where she would like to get to know you.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HFSSC)))

Posts: 36433 | Registered: Mar 2011
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HFSSC)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24657 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ 34602
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HFSSC))))

Holy moly that must have sucked immensely and I'm sure the adrenaline rush is going to make you crash. Be gentle with yourself. Praying for you and I know your speech is going to be amazing.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 34 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1731 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I am in a hot bath now and am going to take some ibuprofen for the massive headache that is beginning. Love those post-cry headaches.

JM has called twice to check on me.

The dinner is October 3rd. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

I love my SI family. I really, really do.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2875 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((HFSSC))))))) Sending comfort.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ 26651
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HFSSC)))


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11590 | Registered: Dec 2009
Tawnee1969
♀ 12358
Member # 12358
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an adopted child it was really nice reading this post.

I hope you feel better.

p.s. Please know that even if she isn't ready to meet you etc, she does think about you. How can we not? xxx


Is the f*cking you're getting, worth the f*cking you're getting?

Posts: 661 | Registered: Oct 2006
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..so glad you found that special box of memories.

..sending prayers for your reunion with her..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
boontje
♀ 33247
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy JM was able to put your mind at ease tonight. I really hope your daughter gets to a place in her life where she is just as eager to see you, as you are her. Until then, keep her close in your heart. ((HF))


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 998 | Registered: Aug 2011
alphakitte
♀ 33438
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad you found the box!

You hold your daughter in your heart, and because your family, and JM love you, she resides with them as well.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HFSSC)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38647 | Registered: Sep 2007
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((HFSSC)))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HFSSC))

I am so glad you found it! My X was adopted. His mother reached out to him one time. He wasn't ready. I don't know if he ever will be. I'm sure you've heard this before but he felt like it would be a betrayal to his family. Even with his mom's blessing it just didn't feel right to him. It had nothing to do with her, being adopted in particular just a stubborn feeling he couldn't get past. Knowing the circumstances, he feels his mother did the right thing. He was just never ready to meet her. It didn't come from negativity towards her.

I hope you get to meet her but always remember that her choice may not be based in negativity towards you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
Exit Wounds
♀ 32811
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lots of hugs and prayers.

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very sorry you had to go through this panic and sadness.

I can't help saying, though: you are an amazing human being.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
painpaingoaway
♀ 27196
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, my heart started to race as I began reading this post. I am sooo glad you found it!

(((((HFSSC))))

Now JM, get your butt up in that attic!😊

And ditto this:

I can't help saying, though: you are an amazing human being.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
HFSSC
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He brought the box down from the attic. It was so hard to go through all those things. It's been at least 4 or 5 years since I looked through them. I cried. A lot.

I wanted to share some pictures with y'all. This was the last day in the hospital. Just hours before I would leave without her and never see her again. It is just so heartbreaking to see the grief on my face, to remember feeling such unimaginable pain that I thought I might literally break from it.

There was also a picture of my grandmother holding her and smiling. I'd forgotten about that one.

Thank you all for indulging me and letting me grieve here.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2875 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Topic Posts: 29
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.