And I can't stop friggin obsessing over her today. For the first time I looked at her FB- which she has public of course. I don't know why I did it. She totally devestated my world and she appears like things are great with her:
She's lost weight- I've gained because I'm pregnant
She's gone to cancun, San Francisco , DC and Colorado- I've gone no where
She died her hair the color I want mine. And her hair is long and thick and mine is short and thin
She seems so happy. I just can't shake it. I'm jealous. I don't know why. But I am. And she bothers me. I hate that I'm wasting time on someone who deserves none of it. I usually don't think about her and I've never looked at her Facebook. But today- for some reason. I had a weak moment. And I can't talk to H about it. We will just get upset that I'm bringing her up and wasting my time on her. I'm blaming the pregnancy hormones. I having a rough time.
I want to hear bad things about her. I want her to be miserable and in pain. I want gf he to feel what I felt. I'm usually pretty Buddhist about it all and wish her the best. But not today. Today I hate her and want to punch her in the face and see her cry.