With the kids, I feel I have done less since I just can't handle anything more.
But, everything is demanding these days. If you have school aged kids you know what I mean. Like, football is practices several times a week, for most of evening then weekend games etc... when is there time for reconciling when you have kids?
Like my son's boy scouts troop,...they are having this event this weekend where they expect the parents and the kids to come to the place tonight from 6 to 9pm...then Saturday they are pressuring the families to be there at the event all day...it run from 11am until 6pm--thats like all day...I mean come on! Most families have 2 parents that work and all they have is the weekends together. Then the parents can't come together anyway because I know like in our situation one parent has to be home to take care of the little ones at home.
Is this an issue in reconciling for anyone else?
So....too bad...my husband and I are going out to dinner tonight and for a date. Our son is going to skip the mandatory event tonight--he will show up at 2pm tomorrow not 11am. I don't care if the other families hate us. Sorry, but my marriage needs to come first.
i feel bad for a lot of other families that may be in crisis themselves in such situations that haven't yet reached their breaking points. Its like they keep putting their marriage on the back burner and run from place to place never spending time alone together.
[This message edited by ionlytalkedtoher at 11:02 AM, September 13th (Friday)]
If the other parents don't like that you aren't there the whole time, too bad for them. There are only 24hrs in a day. You need to do what is best for your marriage and family. I think you made the right decision.
I think you are right. Find a balance that works for you. For us, we did double up as much as possible. Always did things together, errands, kids drop offs, practices, etc. We tried to spend as much time together as we could, bonding, and recreating our lives together, creating new memories.
It's hard, but I think that time together is really one of the cornerstones to R.
BUT - I always encourage other people to reach out when things get too crazy for them. Some nice person got my son back and forth to football after DDay and I wanted to go to tai chi for my mental health. I'm always sure to offer if I see someone struggling (A-related or other like health) but if you don't "show" they might not know they could be helping.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Since R'ing and since he terminated the affair things are a lot better for all of us. He participates in the family now. We go to the kids' activities together and at least once a week have a class we drop them off to in the evening, giving us a chance to go out to dinner.
I noticed that our two kids are in activities that don't demand 100% participation, so if we miss a night to stay home and watch kung fu movies nobody loses out.
The AYSO and baseball teams had to go because they were too rigid. We replaced them with martial arts and voluntary fencing practice.
God, wife, kids, other....that is my NEW priority list.
Pre-A I could have seen us becoming a very kid-centric family....
Kudos to your decision.
I DO like Jennifer99 and Rebreather speak of...mostly reminding us that multiple priorities can be tended to with the right inputs.
But lacking other helpful inputs, you are on the right track!
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:03 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]
The pressures on families to involve kids in more and more and more activities, each of which takes more and more and more time, is incredible these days. A hearty BRAVO to those who set limits and prioritize family time.
Of course it is good for kids to be involved in activities, but not at the expense of family life!
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA