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I am already due and scheduled for a Pap test with my family doctor. And I am going to go to a walk in clinic, with a doctor that's a stranger to ask for std testing.

At the appointment with my famiky docotr, What else can I tell her to test for while she's already doing that? I was thinking of saying " can you test for any infections at all too?" I don't want to mention stds to her, but I don't want a vaginal exam at the walk in clinic with the other doctor.. So whatever gets checked vaginaly, I'd like my family doctor to do, without knowing I'm worried about stds.

Hope this isn't confusing. TIA :)

Jesss,
I know it would be hard but you should really be honest with your OBGYN. They deal with these issues all the time. She will know exactly what you should be tested for and probably will be a huge comfort to you.
I told my OBGYN that my husband had an affair but there was no sex involved. She wanted to do STD testing but I refused. Well about four weeks after my appointment I got a bill for STD testing. She did the test behind my back. She was doing her job. Since most affairs are physical she erred on the side of caution. I was not mad that she did it and understood totally why she did.

Thanks Deanna,
I just can't... I haven't told anyone IRL. :(

Has your spouse gone through STD testing as well? It should be a requirement if you are going to try to reconcile (sorry, I am not sure where you are in the process).

I would like to echo Deanna. I know it is scary and maybe you feel horribly humiliated. But to risk your own life by not being clear with your health professional? Honey, don't do it to yourself. Great healing can be found by sharing this pain. You might could use a real life hug, too.

Jess, I totally understand. When I told my OB my WH had been with scores of hookers, she was the first one I told face to face. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But you HAVE to, there is no way around it. Some STDs can KILL you if not treated in time.

I promise the doctors have heard it all. Get all your testing done in ONE place, and get everything available. If they do not do a pelvic check, take a swab, and take your blood and urine, then they have not done every test available for females. Getting it all done in one place will ensure they get every test you need. Then you will have to go back and do it again in six months to ensure you are clean.

Your life may be at stake. I know for the duration of the appointment, it will be very hard. But it will pass, and you will feel a tremendous relief when it is all over. Please do right by yourself, and take care of YOU.

Honey, I say this to you with all the compassion in the world. You HAVE to get all of the testing done at one time and one place. Either your OB/GYN does it, which is THE best, or you go to a clinic and put your feet up in those stirrups.

You simply cannot risk your health by trying to get a series of tests done haphazardly. Your WH has already been criminally negligent by putting your health into risk. Do Not Do That To Yourself.

Ever one of us here has had to do the same thing that you're doing. Hell, if you're in SO CA, I'll go in with you to the testing. One of the hardest damned phone calls I ever made, and I cried in my doctor's office the entire time. But you know something? For better or worse, it was not even a blip on their radar. They get these requests ALL of the time. That's truly sad.

And if your OB/GYN is worth their money, the minute you ask for anything other than your pap, s/he is going to know what your saying. And test you for the entire panel. And schedule your follow-on tests which you MUST go to. And that's why its best to tell your personal OB/Gyn. So they make sure to get you scheduled for the follow-on tests and they can follow your results personally. (((hugs))) It's hard damned hard, I know. We all know. But this is your health we're talking about. Were it your daughter, you would make damned sure that everything was done the way it needs to be done. Give yourself the same love.

And I've gotta tell you, once you tell your first person, it's a HUGE load off. After telling that first person, I told almost everyone, and it just feels good: I'm not hiding HER shameful secrets.

Telling my long time physician about my husbands EA was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I wanted something to help me sleep and she wanted to know why. I was completely embarrassed but sucked it up and admitted it. As I was there for my annual physical, she suggested the std testing. She was curtious, professional and totally non-judgmental. She held my hand and asked me a dozen other questions about my overall health And made sure that I had appropriate sleep aides and that my long time antidepressants were doing their job.

In retrospect, telling my physician was the BEST thing that I did. I urge you to get past the embarrassment and tell your own physician, you might be surprised at the results!

I couldn't get in to see my OB for 6 weeks and wasn't comfortable getting my pap done at a walk in clinic, but I went ahead and made the appt with my OB and then went to a clinic immediately. Like you I hadn't told anyone IRL. Wouldn't you know that the nurse who opened the door at the clinic to check me in was a former co-worker who had just moved back to town. It was terrible to have to tell a friend why I was there but she was understanding and really with everything else I have dealt with, in retrospect the experience was just a minor bump in the process. Getting the tests done and results back was too important to not tell my friend the whole truth so I would get all the testing I needed. I have 10 more months of testing still ahead of me before I am cleared of all STDs.

Take care of YOU first. You are worth it.

I originally was not going to be tested as the A was 15 years and even my MC said it was mot necessary. I was only at the Dr office for a yearly required physical for Boy Scout - leader not a scout!

Dr said my blood pressure was high. He cannot treat me accurately with out knowing the whole picture. Told him I was not surprised and explained why. He recommended the testing and asked just enough questions to make sure my mental state was not in jeopardy. It was not an easy talk, but so glad I did.

I was tested first at the local STD testing clinic and then six months later by my GP. In both cases, I was treated with respect and dignity. Please be fully honest with your doctor. It's the responsible thing to do for your health and honestly, it's not an uncommon part of their job.

My WH stil insists he did not have physical sex. She is our whole family's doctor, his too. I go there regularly, I'm going to feel like she is thinking about that every time I go there.. But OK... I will try. But what if he didn't have sex? And I ruined what the doctor thinks of us. Maybe WH and I can go together? Or is that a bad idea?

IMO, if your WH is there with you, then you will be more likely to chicken out and not tell her to save face for him. So bad idea having him there with you, IMO.

Don't be nervous - your doc is a professional and trust me, will most likely be compassionate about the whole subject. When I had my DD, I called the doc, and was told I couldn't get an appt for three weeks. I started crying and told the receptionist my husband had an affair. I got in right away. My doctor who is a male was so compassionate! He gave me kleenex for my tears and was nothing but super kind and caring! Thankfully the tests came back clean.

I had tp return for testing again this summer after my first post- divorce dating relationship ended (you can read details in my other posts). I was embarrased but I knew my health meant more than embarrasment. Back to the doc. I asked flat out for everything, and again was handle with kindness and compassion. I am happy to report all came back clean again.

In my opinion your regular doc should be professional about it all. I am sure there are worse situations out there than ours and even though its a huge deal for us to ask for STD tests, for the doctor its just another day at the office.

Tell your family doctor about the infidelity.

Don't be embarrassed she is a professional and has heard much worse.

My FWH and I have been going to a husband/wife family practice for many years.

After d-day I was an emotional wreck and went in to get checked for STDs.
I told my doctor (the wife)all about the LTA.
I sat there crying in the examining room and you know what? she got tears in her eyes too.
It's been over 6 yrs since d-day and I still see the same doctor.
She continues to be extremely kind and sympathetic to me-and always asks about my marriage.

My FWH went for a STD test right after d-day also and the other doctor who happens to be her husband!
after d-day there were a number of infidelity problems that both my husband and I suffered from- insomnia,stress, anxiety, depression etc.
It was good to go to doctors that already knew our history.

Believe me your Dr has experience with these situations and it shouldn't affect the way you are treated in the future. I understand you are embarrassed but you shouldn't be, you did nothing wrong.