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Kinda freaked out

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anv5 posted 9/13/2013 17:10 PM

I am a little freaked out but also strangely calm...
I have been Really struggling lately, still have had tt but the othe night h said "I wasn't lying I was being dishonest" we disagreed finally he said "ok for the sake of moving forward let's call it a lie".
Today it hit me
I sent him the "snake" email, he of course called me wanting to know what that ment. I explained that time & time again over the last 10 yrs he has proven that he has no problem looking me in the eye & lying to me. It has been an issue many times affair crap aside.
I told him that basically I realized how can I be mad at him for the fact that he can't tell the truth to save his marriage when I knew he was a liar when I "picked him back up" I told him I am struggling because he keeps saying he's a better person now, he's doing better, he won't do this again etc yet he is still lying to me. I feel like I need to start alll the way over with questions etc but at the same time what would be the point.
I told him today I am struggling to decide if I can live the the rest of my life knowing I am with someone who will disrespect me & lie to me or if I would rather spend the rest of my life alone.

He said maybe we can go for a walk tonight to talk...
We both said I love you & that's where we left it

I don't even know how to feel

Simple posted 9/13/2013 18:57 PM

Still too raw, for only so many months out. This crap takes time.

I just want to say we here in SI is here for you. It's a long road, any choice you make is your decision. When you can hold your head up high and be at peace with a decision, that's when you know it's the right one.

Hugs you way.

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