You have just rec'd some great advice. The one thing you neeed to accept is
You cannot NICE your WW back into your marriage
She has to come back on her own. She is in a mojor fog right now...and that PA hookup was a selfish attempt feel safe with her AP in what she doesnt realize at this time is a fake "make believe" world.
You need to advise the AP's faithful wife ...do it NOW
...dont tell your wayward wife you are going to do this... do not let her know at all say nothing to her
just do it and watch what happens then....if AP tells your WW what you did, you will know contact is continuing... and at this time she prefers to protect her AP over you, the children and your marriage.
but once its outed, that all can change.
then when he goes back to his betrayed wife to R,you can define your terms of "R". to her
In my case, i not only notified the AP's wife, I kept contact with her and we both kept watch on our waywards until real NC took place...which was about 3 mos after I confronted.
Also, I purchased a SIM card reader and retreived all her texts and pictures off her cell including "deleted" pics and texts.
When she gave me the song and dance about how dare i investigage her etc..
(while she also had that deer in headlights look) which sounds like the same look your WW had (its part of the fog) i told her "I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY MARRIAGE-JUST AS SHE WOULD IF THIS WAS REVERSED"
AND... she had nothing to say.. how do you respond to that to agrue you cant...
Now the AP's faithful wife also has that right... to this day she thanks me for calling her.
Sending you strength to get thru this mess...you had no vote counted in the decisioin about your wife's "A".. do they work at the same company? if so, you can contact their HR dept and both may get fired, this is expecially safisfying if they do leave both of you and attempt to live in their make believe world/ Will be hard with no jobs.
ME: 59 BS
Her: 57 WW
married 25 yrs
knew each other 27 yrs.
her : LTA (PA & EA) former boss 7 yrs.(maybe 10?)
D- 24 yrs old former Eating disorder left wtih OCB
D-day Early March 2012
Confrontation-day: late April 2012
Lies, TT, rug sweeping, blame placing and fog months
NC: april 2012 -broke N/C immediately
lies about NC for 3 months
True NC: july 2012
I "outed " the "A" to her AP's wife and we kept in contact to assure complete N/C was maintained
IN "R" and its been a roller-coaster ride just like everyone has said