It's been nearly 5 years since my d-day and just over 4 years since the divorce for me. I did "okay"... but would have been FAR better off if I'd opted to stand on my own two feet instead of meekly accepting every bit of the help I was offered. You CAN say no -- it's just difficult because if you're like I was... you don't know what the heck to do!!!
When you are just starting out and you are flat broke and don't know what in Hades you're going to do ... check out low income housing or Section 8 rentals.
Honestly, if you're low income, do whatever you have to in order to live within your means. Nobody needs the stress of finances added on top to the complicated healing process of being betrayed and losing what you believed was "until death do us part."
Don't let maintaining your possibly prosperous previous lifestyle suck the life out of you; recognize that you're starting over and pinch your pennies so that once you're healed enough, you really CAN celebrate!
Good luck to you all!