I know what you are saying. I spent 2 years trying to reconcile and nearly the same trying to get a divorce. The road to R and the road to D are both very tough roads. You cannot tell when you start down the road how tough it will be nor can you tell where you will end up. You are already walking on the road to R. There is a familiarity with this road that the road to D doesn't have. There is also more of an ability to move from the road to R to the road to D if things change. The road to D has many different issues and if you take it you'll find that it can quickly alienate you from your spouse. Thus closing off a return to the road to R.
The triggers, the mind movies, the obsession and the pain can still exist at the end of either road. While things may seem easier after a D (if you truly are able to accept that you don't love your S), when a new person comes along many of these issues reappear and need to be dealt with. The point of this is that you will have to do the work to get beyond the triggers, mind movies, obsession, and pain in order to heal yourself regardless of the road you take.
My personal advice is to stick to the road to R until you are certain that there is no hope of R then and only then pursue the D.
I know that d-day anniversaries can be really tough. There have been many a member who posts about issues surrounding d-day anniversaries. Keep posting for support to help get you through this time.
[This message edited by MovingUpward at 6:24 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]