[This message edited by devasted30 at 6:09 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]
The triggers, the mind movies, the obsession and the pain can still exist at the end of either road. While things may seem easier after a D (if you truly are able to accept that you don't love your S), when a new person comes along many of these issues reappear and need to be dealt with. The point of this is that you will have to do the work to get beyond the triggers, mind movies, obsession, and pain in order to heal yourself regardless of the road you take.
My personal advice is to stick to the road to R until you are certain that there is no hope of R then and only then pursue the D.
I know that d-day anniversaries can be really tough. There have been many a member who posts about issues surrounding d-day anniversaries. Keep posting for support to help get you through this time.
[This message edited by MovingUpward at 6:24 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]
I believe the major part of the pain is from being betrayed, and we're stuck with it once D-Day hits.
If you D, then you have to deal with the pain od D. If you R, you have to deal with the pain of being with your betrayer. But life can be good either way, once you deal with the pain.
This time, my FWH was strong enough to stick it out. We have reconciled.
Which was harder for me?
I still had issues with the D, but it was over much faster. I didn't trigger because I let it go once the D was inevitable. I do not remember triggers. I was sad. D is HARD. I felt like a failure. Many feelings, but it was very different in my perspective. All I had to worry about was ME, and that is much easier than worrying about US.