I have been doing a lot of thinking. First I must do what got me through my miscarriage, impending permanent infidelity (which didnt happen) and subsequently brought me dd.
Second, I have to find a way to go into myself and find my happy. I just dont know how to do this.
Third deal with the fact most people are assholes. One can say they have miserable lives, but do they? Those I know or know of live seemingly good lives but they enjoy hurting others. They usially run in packs, too.
I also have realised I dont have the energy to fight for what is right. Esp when most people wont step up. I cant fight for them (this is something irl). Im physically, mentally and emotionally exaughsted. I can barely take care of myself
Bus service: I loathe them but I neex them. I will put into writing why I dislike them in case, heaven forbid, something does happen, then I am letting it go. Another situation under the catagory: I cant control.
I was told several times over to go to IC. Yes. I need it. I was trying (wronly) to get it done here. It was unfair to you all. This realisation came now after finding the first person who blocked me. I wont accept responsibility for why that person blocked me. I may be a pia, but I am not a bad person nor do I go out to hurt anyone. An IC gets paid to help me deal with my crap, nobody here does and I am done with making you all my IC. Its nof fair. Now to find one that works with my long work hrs and the kids.
Im going to go put this all in a notebook so I can refer to it when I have rough times.
And one goal: by the end of next summer a get away for the kids and I. Ive not been on a real vacation since I was 6 wks pregnant with dd who is almost 8.