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What do you grieve/mourn/miss?

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ILINIA posted 9/14/2013 10:33 AM

So I was reading on here how one of the SI folks did an exercise that listed of all the things that she felt she lost or mourned with the betrayal.

I started a list which came fast and furious. This is only 5 minutes worth of thought, so I am sure it isn't complete. I want to ask all of you....what do you grieve or mourn?

ILINIA posted 9/14/2013 10:33 AM

Here is mine:

Things that I grieve:
-You not being “my be all and end all”
-You not having my back
-My marriage
-The you that I loved even with your flaws
-Knowing you had flaws, but never thought you would choose to outright deceive me
-Feeling the word “husband” is foreign & choking on it when I say it
-Not being able to look at pictures of us and our family and not see the betrayal
-My trust in you
-Realizing I shouldn’t have trusted you
-Starting a life with you
-Starting a family with you
-Realizing that it is just me. I am the only one that has my back
-I am alone
-Having a love story that sucks
-Can never say “you should marry someone like your dad”
-Can never say “someday I hope you are like your dad”
-When &&&&& says we are her model couple
-When anyone gives you a compliment
-Our lives prior to your betrayal. The innocence of our kids and our marriage.
-Realizing that you don’t have eyes just for me
-Our intimacy has been broken and shared with someone outside our marriage
-Sharing your body so freely with someone else who isn’t your wife
-Never being able to say we have a good life

nomistakeaboutit posted 9/14/2013 11:46 AM


........her car?

HurtsButImOK posted 9/14/2013 15:55 PM

The most painful one for me and what is taking the longest time to heal:

I thought he was my best friend, my deepest and truest confidant.

It was a lie. I mourn that loss the most. To know he used what I told him as a means to lie more effectively to me - that is what hurts the most in my situation.

confused615 posted 9/14/2013 16:01 PM

Him. My husband. I miss him.

On dday, I remembering crying, "Bring him killed killed my husband would never do this to me..bring him back."

It is one of the only things I remember saying that day. I was already mourning the loss of my husband. This man..was a stranger. And he had taken MY husband from me. I loved my husband...I adored that man..and this man had killed him.

I still miss that man. But I am learning to love the new one. These days,he makes it easy.

But I will always miss him.

noprincess posted 9/14/2013 16:05 PM

I truly miss peace...peace in my mind...peace in my heart.

Pippy posted 9/14/2013 16:06 PM

I miss having our family together as we enter retirement. That's all gone.

Artemisia posted 9/14/2013 16:13 PM

Oh HurtsButIm, the same for me as for you, to the word. And, I just miss him, before all of this.

921Lisa posted 9/14/2013 16:21 PM

Mine is silly...

I miss the days we would call each other and he'd answer the phone and say "Hello Debbie!" ~ not my name. Or he'd call and say he was coming home and I'd say, "Okay, I'll send my boyfriend home".

I see other couples make the little jokes, like "I need to get him a girlfriend", etc...

I miss the ability to do that and it be funny to us.

[This message edited by 921Lisa at 4:22 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]

Thefly559 posted 9/14/2013 16:22 PM

Dam your list was sooooo accurate . I can't say too much more except that smile in the morning waking up next to the woman who was my life . Tough read I get f--ked up reading it. Sorry.

Deanna posted 9/14/2013 16:25 PM

As noprincess said, I miss the peace. My brain will never forget he cheated on me!

dindy posted 9/14/2013 16:54 PM

I miss feeling excited about what the future would bring for our family.

I miss us calling each other silly names.

I miss weekend mornings having breakfast as a family.

I miss thinking we were best friends.

I miss trusting him and believing we were going to grow old together.

I miss laughing during sex.

And most of all I miss the person I no longer am. That person no longer exists, her soul was torn apart.

joeboo posted 9/15/2013 00:17 AM

After about two and a half years since d-day, the thing I miss is feeling like I was significant enough to my fww that she would not have cheated. I miss feeling like a significant other. I was her insignificant other.

I wish I could be that important to someone.

Losttransport posted 9/15/2013 02:03 AM

I miss the marriage I thought I had. I miss the husband who I thought was my second half.
I miss the old me probably the most. The old me was such a happy, joyful, prayerful woman. This new me is sad, often depressed and more often than not, cynical and jaded. I see my poor, tired heart and I remember the old me. Yeah, I miss a lot of things.

StruckNumb posted 9/15/2013 08:56 AM

I miss loving whole heartedly.
I miss believing he was my friend as well as my husband.
I miss the loss of our pet names for each other.
I miss feeling safe with him.
I miss the man I thought he was.
I grieve giving the majority of the years of my life over to a relationship with a man who can never be satisfied with just me.

[This message edited by StruckNumb at 8:58 AM, September 15th (Sunday)]

Kelany posted 9/15/2013 09:02 AM

I miss the innocence that I had with trusting him. Thinking he could never be capable of hurting me more than anyone else on this earth.

strongerdaybyday posted 9/15/2013 09:18 AM

The trust. No matter what our problems I never thought cheating would be one of them.

Guttedagain posted 9/15/2013 09:27 AM

I miss feeling safe, content and happy, i fear i will never feel truly happy again

I hate how his betrayal has changed me and how i now view everything with suspicion.

I miss the feeling that our family was special to both of us and the love and security within it.

i miss being able to believe and trust my husband.

I miss being able to feel relaxed and having random thoughts and plans about the future. Now it's just hard fight away the constant thoughts of his betrayal

rachelc posted 9/15/2013 11:08 AM

I now know how good a liar my husband is. I wish I didn't know that.

For myself, there have been ppl in my life who abandoned me, but I always thought I had my own back. And I proved that I didn't, just added to the list if ppl who betrayed me I miss the feeling of knowing I had never betrayed myself. No matter how healthy I get, I still did that.

IslandGirl18 posted 9/15/2013 11:19 AM

These posts made me sob. They're all true. I miss being held at night and feeling safe in his arms. I miss being so special to someone. I miss looking into each other's eyes and knowing that we have a special private life together. I miss calling him just to hear his voice. I miss him. I miss us. I miss who I used to be. I miss my life when I didn't have to live with this emotional pain every single second. I miss trusting others. I miss the home we created. I miss the home I used to live in. I miss when I used to wake up and look forward to my day.

I mourn the loss of our marriage. I mourn the loss of the man I married because I don't know who this guy is, and I mourn the loss of me because I am so sad. So lost. So destroyed.

I will never trust anyone with all my heart again.

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