My wife feels she doesn't know me anymore - the issues that are black and white for her like fidelity, trust and honesty, she feels are grey areas for me now.
I guess, as she doesn't know what I think or believe in, she doesn't know if she can trust me or what I might do next.
She emailed me a list of questions listing all the areas I transgressed in my 4 month affair asking what I believed in now...
this is part of my reply...
some of the things i have learned and what i believe now:
If we have problems, we should discuss them
I must be open, honest and transparent about everything
I need to ensure we have a window between each other and a wall to others when it comes to private issues around our marriage
No significant relationships with women
No private/secret meetings with women
Our marriage is private and should not be discussed with others
Sex is only between us; I want us to be monogamous, exclusive and faithful to each other
We need to show affection and caring on a daily basis
We need to communicate especially when either one of us is upset or down
I don't believe in God; I do believe people are responsible for their own behaviour so being an atheist is no excuse for what I did
Children are devastated by a parent's infidelity and subsequent decision to leave the family home - I don't want to wreck their lives any more then I want to hurt you.
One of the books we looked at about affairs says it is natural to feel some attraction to people of the opposite sex. However, acting on that or even thinking about them and "what it might be like" is stepping over the line.
Drinking to excess: lowers inhibitions; affects decision making; and makes yourself feel more attractive and others look more attractive. Therefore no work nights out for forseeable future and definitely no drinking
We need to continue to work on the other needs of our relationship including: support; shared recreational activities; and me re-establishing connection with your family
It's not a complete list but it's a place to start...