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Newest Member: Blsoul (61132)

User Topic: I guess I am here....
♀ 40359
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have tried to stay out of this form because, if I am not in the D/S forum it MUST mean I am not D or S, right?

3 months S now and I still have not accepted that this is the end. WH ended A and initiated NC a week after he left home. DDay was 1 month ago and I thought since I found out, he would start fighting for our M. But he still says we dont work and he doesnt feel the same way about our relationship anymore. He says the only option is D.

Nothing has been done on his end about D and I do not plan to file either.

This all came out of no where! One week I think we have a damn good relationship and the next he is gone.

I have been 180 for 2 weeks now and it def has gotten better. The hurt, pain, and longing are still there and some days are way worse than others. This is not what I want. We have 2 young children and have been through so much together.

I am 26 and have been with him for 10 years. Not that I am looking to date or find someone tomorrow, but how is that even possible in the future? I cant have anymore kids so who would want a 26 year old with two kids and a whole lot of baggage?

I would rather 100 days of pain with him than 1 day of happiness with someone else. I know if we were both committed to making our M the best it could be, we would be even better than before.

I truly believe he has so much guilt which is keeping him away. I need to continue to move forward and not think about R but it is just so difficult.

XWH left 6/2013
DDay 8/19/2013
Divorce final 7/14/2014
False reconciliation 6/15-8/15
DDay 2 8/29/15

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 38865
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry that you find yourself joining this wonderful group, welcome, but much great advice and support can be found here.

Unfortunately as much as we don't wish for S/D sometimes it is for the best, even when we don't want to admit it.

Time and working on healing yourself may bring a different perspective to thinking staying in an unhealthy relationship is better than the unknown.

You are a prize and down the track you will realise this. Allow yourself to mourn what you thought would be or could be. Work on your baggage for yourself, you wont always carry it around.

Strength to you. Its hard and it hurts but keep your eyes and heart open for the good things that are coming your way.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're here.

I'd like to throw something out for you to consider: You need to protect yourself financially. You say you will not file for D. Okay, it's your life. However, as long as you're M you are on the hook financially for everything your husband does. Every debt, every obligation, every screw-up, you're his wife so you're co-responsible. THEREFORE, I urge you to meet with an attorney & create some kind of paperwork that will sever your financial obligations & protect you from this point forward.


Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we all tried to stay out of this forum. It's a horrible situation to be in but the D/S gang is so wise, kind, honest and experienced. I am sorry that you find yourself here but know that you will be supported.

Your dday is so recent so your pain is extremely raw. You are starting on the right path to healing and rebuilding yourself by starting the 180. Are you in IC? Do you have support IRL? Do you like to read book? There are a lot of good books out there to help you cope, heal and rebuild YOUR life with or without him.

I would rather 100 days of pain with him than 1 day of happiness with someone else. <<< Reading this statement from you makes me sad but I understand where it is coming from.

This part is going to be tricky. At a time when your heart has been ripped apart, you also have to be able to think without emotions. You have to protect yourself financially. Just like you were shocked to find out your WS could betray you, it's just as shocking when they screw you over financially (child support, spousal support, joint credit cards, etc).

What I did, because I was a complete mess, I asked two people close to me but who could be objective and asked them to go over what I was asking for. I also needed them to come with me to my first appointment with my attorney. Just having them there, kept me focus. You have to protect yourself!

It feels like it won't ever get better but it does. It gets so much better. It takes a hell of amount of work and tears but you can do it!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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