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Things are looking up but that scares me

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cuppacoffee posted 9/14/2013 16:09 PM

The husband lost his job 3 weeks ago but landed a temp job with some potential. It already pays more than the old job.

I am happy but the hours are second shift. I'm afraid that he's going to have an A again. When he was in the A he was working mostly nights going in early and staying late. Now the new job should be mostly men however what if they ask h to go out after or something?

Tonight we were invited to a party that we can't attend because skankface will be there. I know he's sad he can't go.
He's actually been talking about the A and how I'm dealing with it now. He still sees the pain in my eyes.

I'm afraid he's going to slip. Things have been good for awhile and then we fight. I automatically think he's going back to call her when we fight. He hasn't but scared.

I feel like we are getting ready to actually move into the r state but I have thought that before. I am back to feeling so lost.

nowiknow23 posted 9/14/2013 16:52 PM

((((cuppa)))) Keep breathing, honey. There's an awful lot of "what if" and "he might" in there. What are his actions telling you?

cuppacoffee posted 9/14/2013 17:08 PM

His actions are showing me he loves me but he's not always the most eloquent talker so things come out wrong.

I already had low self esteem before the A. He was loving it up with a thinner and younger version of me.

What if he finds another one?

1devastedmom posted 9/14/2013 23:19 PM

I understand how you feel. Things seem to be going well and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Markay81 posted 9/15/2013 08:40 AM

I totally understand. My WH has been doing really good giving me everything I need to heal. But I cant help but think "How long is this going to last". I do recognize the good he is doing but it all is just so bitter sweet.

sisoon posted 9/15/2013 14:16 PM


Above all, for now, base your self-esteem on what you read in responses to your posts on SI - you're loving, you're lovable, you're capable, you're terrific.

Then, realize you're under tremendous stress, so you're predisposed to feel lousy. The A followed by job loss is a heavy, heavy load. The best anti-dote is loving self-talk.

Second, keep your eye on the prize - a good M. A guy who does nothing more than no cheat isn't much of a catch. You deserve a lot more than that.

Third, have you talked with your H about how to handle drinks after work? It may help him turn this from temp to permanent, but you can probably work something out to make it safe.


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