I am happy but the hours are second shift. I'm afraid that he's going to have an A again. When he was in the A he was working mostly nights going in early and staying late. Now the new job should be mostly men however what if they ask h to go out after or something?
Tonight we were invited to a party that we can't attend because skankface will be there. I know he's sad he can't go. He's actually been talking about the A and how I'm dealing with it now. He still sees the pain in my eyes.
I'm afraid he's going to slip. Things have been good for awhile and then we fight. I automatically think he's going back to call her when we fight. He hasn't but scared.
I feel like we are getting ready to actually move into the r state but I have thought that before. I am back to feeling so lost.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
I already had low self esteem before the A. He was loving it up with a thinner and younger version of me.
What if he finds another one?
Above all, for now, base your self-esteem on what you read in responses to your posts on SI - you're loving, you're lovable, you're capable, you're terrific.
Then, realize you're under tremendous stress, so you're predisposed to feel lousy. The A followed by job loss is a heavy, heavy load. The best anti-dote is loving self-talk.
Second, keep your eye on the prize - a good M. A guy who does nothing more than no cheat isn't much of a catch. You deserve a lot more than that.
Third, have you talked with your H about how to handle drinks after work? It may help him turn this from temp to permanent, but you can probably work something out to make it safe.
(((cuppacoffee))
