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Devastated Again

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AlwaysBeenStrong posted 9/14/2013 17:18 PM

Well, after being together for 22 years and married for 17, he had an affair 2 1/2 years ago and has never came clean until this April. He has given me false reconciliations, separated and then just came back for a week.

He told me that he cannot be the man he wants me to be and that we are done. I have closed the bank account, deleted his email and fb account, threw his clothes out on the lawn (which he made my son pick up) and here I am crying my heart out all over again.

During the separation, he had told me that he was staying with his mother and come to find out he was not. And he's been out of the house for 3 days already and he's yet to stay at her place, where he said he was going again. I know I shouldn't care, I just want honesty...I mean if we aren't together anymore, it would just be nice to know that there was someone else so it would make more sense.

I have never felt this down during all of this. Even during the separation, I was fine and ready to spread my wings, which is why he came back "the thought of you being with someone else kills me".

How do you get passed the tears, because I really don't want to shed anymore for him!
I don't have much of a support group because they thought I was stupid to even take him back. Just feeling very alone and worthless.

nowiknow23 posted 9/14/2013 17:21 PM

I'm so very sorry, ABS. Unfortunately, the only way past it is through it. Be gentle with yourself while you process this latest blow. Practice your self care - sleep, drink plenty of water, eat something, and move your body to release some of the stress.

And keep posting. We're here.


AlwaysBeenStrong posted 9/14/2013 17:33 PM

I have kept busy all day and really haven't shed a tear since he has left (again).

It's now when I sit in the house alone, the sadness attacks, the thoughts and I just wish I could just flip a switch to shut it off. I am so tired of him making me weak and feeling so alone.

HoneyMe posted 9/14/2013 17:34 PM

(((((Devastated Again)))))
Take care of yourself. I am so sorry for you. I don't think our society is teaching people to be very good partners. I hope he comes to his senses. I wish you peace. That was a pretty shitty thing for him to do to your son. Take care of your kids and yourself.

AlwaysBeenStrong posted 9/14/2013 17:40 PM

I think our society has made divorce and affairs easier to do. No one seems to fight for their marriages anymore. I was one of those few who thought divorce was no option.

But I guess when he doesn't give me any other option, I have no choice in the matter.

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