Well, except for her running/fucking group, she enjoyed that.
At first, when I heard of this stuff, I was very hurt that she is willing to do this shit with Mr. Zero, but never wanted to do anything fun with me. Then I thought, "Fuck that!"
What she is doing now has no effect on my life. I'm pretty broke at the moment, but other than that, life is good. I spend lots of time playing music, and lots of time hanging with my boys: My two favourite things to do. The boys love coming to their "city home" and have recently discovered how much they love the public library - great kids!
This realization has taken a huge weight off my chest. As long as it doesn't hurt my kids, I have no reason to care. As a matter of fact, if she were to have a skydiving accident while I'm still beneficiary to the life insurance...
Detaching by tiny bits more each day, and fucking liking it!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
Your post reminded me of what my stbx wrote in his divorce papers that were filed in court ~ he stated that since he has left, he is now enjoying walking on the beach, hiking and playing tennis. So it is on court records that since he walked out and abandoned the kids, he is enjoying his single life. Even I was embarrassed for him. My stbx has got to be the stupidest one of our group!
I really don't care what he does. If it doesn't effect me or the kids, he can do whatever the flying fuck he wants to.
Continue to live your life ~ it will keep getting better!
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Those first few years the sad clown mirrored the things I liked and pretended to be what I said I wanted in a life partner. He couldn't keep up the act after a year or two but we both continued the charade for the rest of the relationship.
This is probably what is going on.
My fondest memories of my childhood weren't of the things we DID together, it was the things we did TOGETHER. When my mum was completely present and engaged (few and far between in my case).
You are right - what she does or doesn't do has no effect on your life.
Detaching feels weird at first - I used to keep expecting the old feelings to rush back. But they didn't. They haven't. My focus is on me and my girls. If he's doing awesome stuff with them then that's great. I hope for him to be completely present/engaged and to cherish his time with them but I no longer feel responsible for what kind of father he is, good or bad.
THAT has been a huge change for me. And a huge weight off my chest.
You've so got this friend. Life IS good.
Thanks for sharing as it gives me hope that I will not feel this pathetic forever!
As a matter of fact, if she were to have a skydiving accident while I'm still beneficiary to the life insurance
Have I shared many similar thoughts. There still should be life-insurance though I wonder if he's actually paying for it anymore. I honestly think he's worth more to me dead than alive though I'd never do anything to precipitate that myself.
That's what they will remember about their Dad when they grow up. ExWW felt that spending tons of money on him and doing things she thought he wanted was a way to buy off her guilt. Whereas I continued to do stuff he loved, like fishing.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
That's good advice, Sean. The Princess keeps buying electronic babysitters for the boys so that she can go out and have "fun". I choose to hang out with my kids to have fun.
StrongButBroken, you totally struck a chord with the mirroring. That's what The Princess did with me until we were married, and that's what she's doing with Mr. Zero now. Even more proof that I was never married to the woman I thought I was!
Every step in the detachment process feels like a major victory!
Gnat also did the mirroring thing and is now doing it with Hello Kitty. It's funny to watch. You're right it feels great to detach!
I've been assured that we all reach indifference eventually. Can't wait!