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So hard.

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Itsmeornothing posted 9/14/2013 23:49 PM

I found out feb28 by text message on my husbnds phone that he was having an affair. He said (It's not what you think), he was sleeping and I woke him up. Pictures of her saying BTDT (been there done that), and pictures of her boobies (oh how they miss him). I can't pinpoint and he won't tell when EXACTLY it started.

-In July of 2012 he started his own business (MOBILE business) and he worked one her car shortly after that -RECORDS. So I am going to say this started in at least August. I was PREGNANT, he was having sex with both of us UNPROTECTED. You know I am married to him, I had all the trust in the world why would we us condoms. I opted OUT of certain tests while pregnant that could have desperately HURT our baby. HE KNEW I opted out and NEVER convinced me to get the tests or tell me he fucked up and had an affair. -Almost a year later and I still can't see past it. We have three kids, 10 years, 5 years, 8 months. We have been together 12 years. This HIT HARD!

Looking back I realized when he was 'mobile' for his business that is all he was. He would come home EVERYDAY and go to sleep. I DID everything for the kids EXCEPT pay for the groceries. (I went shopping but the money came from him being mobile). I am a stay at home mom. He left us as a family when he started his affair (since he has stopped-he says) whos to say he won't start it again, with her or someone else. He left us emotionally. He may have come home and had his clothes here, but he wasn't with our family. He saw her at night when he was supposely getting parts for work). He would buy hotel rooms (ALL CASH) at night after I went to sleep. I was pregnant and had two children and was exhausted at all hours of the day. HE TOOK ADVANTAGE of me the day he had an affair, thinking I would still be here. If I wasn't pregnant and I had a job, I would NEVER have stayed. But I had no where to go, not even a dollar to my own bank account.

At this point, life HASN't CHANGED in our relationship. And now his estranged brother and his girlfriend are living in our basement. First week my husband would come home and play with the kids or help with evening routine (SOMETHING HE NEVER DID). almost three weeks later he eats upon coming home than sleeps (6/7 oclock in the evening). -He STILL DOESN"T DO ANYTHING FOR US. But he will drive his brother and girlfriend here and there. HE WON"T go to stores with us though. I don't know what to do. I know what I should do (leave and start my kids life over). But I can't just drop my dream of our family/life like that). I don't know what to do. I can't make him see I'm worth it.

jjct posted 9/15/2013 06:45 AM

You're right, you can't make him see...ANYTHING.
You can't make him see, do, think, act...
Why would he change? There are no consequences for his totally shitty and abusive behavior.

So what you do - is see that you ARE "worthy", and get to a lawyer to find out your rights in this situation.
Your kindness and tolerance are being abused.
It stops when you say it stops.

jb3199 posted 9/15/2013 07:31 AM

Can't say it better than jjct.

(1) You need to value yourself more.

(2) It stops when YOU say it stops.

Obviously, much easier said than done...but that doesn't make it any less truthful.

Taking action would not be giving up on your dream, it would be the exact opposite---you are pursuing your dream. It may be with or without your current husband, but your dream is still out there...and it is not getting any closer with you staying on your current path.

Don't fear the unknown. You deserve better than this.

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