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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: Going to file soon and need reassurance
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I won't even get into how much of a jerk he is or how his version of R has just been a lot of rugsweeping. He balked on counseling again and I think I'm done. I hate letting go of the dream of our little family but I want to be happy and I want a better role model for my son.

The thing is I'm freaked out about sharing custody of my 14 month old. I've never been apart from him except for work, never more than maybe 14 hours since he was born. I am still breastfeeding and don't want to have whole days I don't see him. Plus i dont like the idea of him bouncing around between houses. WH is away a ton on business so I'm hoping I can get physical custody? I also want to get permission to move from northern to Southern California where both my family and his family are so much more support (we have no one here). I am hoping the fact that WH travels a lot and works from home (although there's an office up here he never visits) will work in my favor. Anyone have experience with this? It makes me mad cause he's only a father for a few minutes out of the day yet he reneged on allowing me to get full custody and move away when he realized I actually wanted to take him up on it!

At this point I'm going to work at separating out my bank out from his and then I want to have him served. My other issue is that I actually filed in may but didn't serve him cause our baby ended up in the ICU the next day. It really made me redefine my priorities and I gave it another shot for him, but WH is not TRYING to do anything but rug sweep. Anyway I probably have to amend the filing since savings have been depleted and I bought a house (which he had to disclaim because of his late CS issue)

Anyway I'm scared and sad and just hoping for encouragement and guidance.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 949 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
♀ 30910
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, your baby is going to be fine. If you divorce, he will grow up and two households will just be his reality. He will not have to grieve the change like an older child would. By the time his is in the first grade, around half of his peers will be in the same situation.

I separated when my DS was 6 mos and had many of the same concerns. I also breastfed, which meant pumping during visitation, sending milk, etc. It can be done.

Ask for everything you want in your papers. It is the starting point of negotiation. If it goes to court, the judge will figure it out, and they tend to be biased in favor of the mother. There is usually a timeframe in which you have to serve the papers, so check with your attorney on what your next steps are.

Being away from baby is a horrid thought. It just is. However, what I have found is that I am a better mom when I have some time to myself. I need it. Usually, there are tasks that need to be accomplished, that are simply much, much easier without baby in tow. Additionally, you will need social time and eventually you may want to date. For baby, it gives a break from the normal routine and caregiver and allows for an attachment to form with the other parent.

Just take one step at a time and soon the path will seem more clear and manageable. Hugs to you and your little one.

Posts: 936 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
♀ 20334
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Start documenting his work schedule, if you already haven't. He can say a lot of things, but the court may see it differently. He may say you can't have full custody, but the court could tell him differently based on his work schedule.

Be strong, because there is a good chance that once he realizes you are serious and this is the real deal, he may start playing a different tune.

You can do this. Just one step at a time, but you can do it.

When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.
"After a breakup, the loyal one stays single and deals with the damages until healed. The other one is already in another relationship."

Posts: 3979 | Registered: Jul 2008
Topic Posts: 3

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