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The fact that the did it or the fact that u don't know them anymore? I think for me it's the uncertainty of not knowing them anymore...

It depends on the day. I go round and around until I am emotionally dizzy.

Hands down:

The fact that it was so EASY for him to do it. The way it happened with AP#1, she propositioned him (this isn't a lie) and he didn't even hesitate. She did it over the phone, and he had all night to think about it. He laid next to me that night, and could have mulled it over and had a million reasons NOT to. Yet, he never considered saying no. He in fact, anticipated it. The next day he went through with it. And the next day after that. He figured (he told me this after DDay) he'd already done it once, so it couldn't get worse in his mind. Uh yeah, it did. A whole lot worse.

Then when AP#2 came along, he was just THRILLED to do it again.

And again.

And again.

It kills me that it was so fucking easy to betray me.

I have a rotating Top Three. Right now it is the fact that no protection was used.

He told me that I wasn't worth the time and effort it will take to reconcile. It was worth lying to me for almost 3 years and I went through that for him.

The not knowing/having to wonder, in the following ways:

- That it took me a year to even find out

- Not knowing OW3's name (he didn't know the others' names)

- If it was just a monthlong fling, why does he, Mr. Can't Remember Anyone's name, still know OW3's name? (Showed me her fb pic on my fb - his was inactive and I know she wasn't ever on my friend list so he had to look her up by name)

- Why was my spidey sense tingling in Nov if it was all over by August?

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 6:42 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

I am sorry, confused, I answered the topic title ? without seeing your post.

That he did it bothers me the most. I have realized I didn't know the real authentic MisterSister until after d-day, so I never really knew him. His mask and my rose colored glasses made it all too fuzzy. I am enjoying getting to know and see the real man he is, the newer better healthier emotionally man that he is becoming.

The fact that he did it.

I fact that he was able to do it so easily, and live his life a lie, turning my life into a lie.

I don't trust that I ever knew the real him, or that our history together was true.

Hmm, good question. They are both up there but in different ways.

The fact I never knew the real him makes me incredibly angry. The major decisions I made re marriage, career, kids were based on falsehoods; a sanitized and polished version of him who didn't really exist. I hate him for manipulating me and robbing me of honest choices for so long.

That he did it for nearly 5 years, longer than we've been married, and it didn't even seem to phase him, that fucking hurts.

I've been thinking about my own question. I really think they r equal. I'm so angry that any of it happened! And the fact that he was at peace w it and was ok w moving on w our life together. How did u not have guilt.