Fast forward to the present. I am in love. With a really great guy. He loves me and he loves the children and treats them as if they were his own. He had a volatile relationship before he was with me (but so did I!) and he freely admits to being something of a player in his teenage years and early twenties. Admittedly, he says they were not serious relationships- just two to three week flings here and there but rarely exclusive. I mention this only to show that he has been very open about the kid he once was- he's not given me any reason to mistrust him. We've been together officially for bout six months but we were taking it slow for three before that.
Anyway, as much as I trust this man, I feel like I shouldn't be able to trust my own instincts- because of what happened before with the ex. If that makes sense. I trust him but I feel like I can't trust my ability to make that judgement and feel safe with it. Of course, knowing that this man was a player as a teenager is not as concerning as it would be if he were that way as an adult. But it doesn't help me that my gut instincts are still a little bruised, and I'm guarding them a little just in case. Which doesn't feel fair- to hold back a bit of me because of the ex. He may well be doing the same because of the nature of his last relationship! I don't know!
Our relationship is happy and laid back and I really feel we've got a future together- but dare I?? Dare I really allow myself to believe in the possibility of a happily ever after? Can I ever afford to drop the guard completely? What do you guys think?
I think the real question is how strong do you feel? No matter how much you trust someone, they can still hurt you. You need to look inward and consider how you you would feel if he hurt you. Could you handle it? Would it be tough, but survivable? Or would it be devastating to your world?
This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you, and your own strength. Can you let your guard down and love and trust, knowing you will be ok if you get hurt? If not, then you should look inward before putting your guard down and work on yourself. Hope this helps.
I don't trust naively anymore. I will hold a piece of my heart back until time and actions matching words have earned my complete trust. Only then will I be able to give my whole heart.
It's gonna take time , I'm worth it.
So, what would make YOU feel better? Do you need to hire a PI to dig up his background? Do you need more time? Do you need to attend pre-marital counseling with him and maybe with your children? What do YOU need?
D-Day, June 10, 2012