Posted up on Facebook earlier if someone wanted to go to the cinema with me next weekend. Zero responses...... Not even enough mates to have one free for one night.
You know I really just want to go to the cinema and hold someone's hand, have a little cuddle into eachother and a kiss......
About at 2 years since XWW started her affair. She's slept with 16 blokes in the last 18 months, currently in a relationship with some bodybuilder guy, similar to affair bloke, been on 3 holidays maybe more 1 paid for by one of the blokes she slept with, having a fab time in work, loads of friends who bustle around her cause she's 'so much fun'.....
Me? 1 girlfriend who I split up with cause I couldn't get X out of my head, living in the spare room at my parents house while I rent a room out in my house that I don't want to be alone in.
I've god a new dog, she's not filling the hole the last bitch left behind though.
Can't get out of my head how much I've failed at 37 when I should have a family of my own.
Oh wait I did..... Wife and daughter...... Both gone for good.
At least DD is happy with her new forever family.... Miss her though.
Wish I'd been stronger mentally and been able to push for adoption of her on my own but I was such a wimp I couldn't keep myself together enough to be her dad.
Yes yes, still taking AD's, still in counseling, still taking codine to get a nights sleep.
Oh, and ex is asking for £25k cash, all debt written off and 2 cars as financial settlement for less than 2 years of marriage, and her shagging around. Dirty, greedy piece of shit......
I'm not bitter...... Happy Sunday night everyone.....
I actually prefer to go to movies alone. Don't have to share popcorn and always sit where *I* want to.
I know it can be tough. Believe me that it will get better.
She sleeping with that many guys? She's trying to fill a gaping hole of need. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Focus on you. You will build a much better life, and you will have a wonderful lady in it someday.
I'm sorry you're hurting.
ETA: I know it's not about the cinema, but do go by yourself. I do all the time (I joined a film club so go at least once/month.) It's great! Get out of the house, stay busy and active.
[This message edited by phmh at 6:26 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
She sleeping with that many guys? She's trying to fill a gaping hole of need.
And succeeding!! Inappropriate I know but that did actually make me smirk when I read that bit.
Your right its not about the cinema in general, although this particular time it is, I don't want to go alone, but this new film "Rush" has just come out and I do actually quite fancy going for a change. Suppose I may well end up going alone.
Thing is there are 2 possibly 3 girly that if I asked them they would love to come with me, 1 is Irish girl from 12 months ago, the one who my friends brought down to help on my house, we had a cracking kiss but she told me to go away and heal a bit and come back to her when I'm not broken. She was very sensible! Another is a friend of my sisters who is always incredibly flirty and I've known for about 15 years and always got on incredibly well with and also kissed in the past the other who I have exchanged flirts with.
Thing is I don't want to ask any of them. Well I do, but I know I'll just jump in too deep too soon. I always have done and am scared of doing it again.
I pretty much know I won't get any better than I am right now. I'm starting to believe I'm borderline bipolar and always have been.
Holy crap, imagine actually being diagnosed with that? But I'm always either very up of very down very rarely sailing safely in between.
My safest bet is to a aid girls and stay single forever. May sound a bit dramatic but the last one seriously almost killed me.
Imagine it happened again? Even with no infidelity. If I had kids with someone and we split for any reason I don't think I'd be able to cope.
The thought of it is making me want to become a bit reclusive. I'm working so much as well with my new job and my business and I'm deliberately trying to make it so I don't have time for a relationship as well.
That's quite sad apparently so my friends have told me.....
It came about as a bit of a coincidence really.
I have not been able to sleep at all since DDay, always having anxiety issues during sleep cycles leaving me in sweats.
I was in a lot of pain from my back (historical prolapse disc issue) and took some one night. For the first time in as long as I can remember I had an anxiety free night.
Tried it again and same. Then I didn't take it and the anxiety was back.
I've been taking it on and off ever since, more on than off. I only take it at night so I'm not dependent on it and sometimes miss nights. I know it's supposed to be addictive but I don't crave it at all during the day I just know that taking it relaxes me to sleep. I take 60mg at bed time with my AD.
Told the doctor I was doing it, the reasons for it and the fact it also seems to have cured my IBS issues and she didn't seem too bothered just told me to be careful about the addictive properties.
I've since changed doctors so I'll bring it up again when I go in a few months.
Just taken 2 bipolar online tests and scored well into the bipolar spectrum on both. One said to seek residential care urgently.....! A bit OTT I think!
Even if I am bipolar I do not want to be diagnosed with it as the long term employment implications are massive. I have a new job now of which I have completed the trial period and I also run my own business so its not the hugest deal in the world but I don't see my current job as a life long career choice, more a get my feet back on the ground and financial separation from ex. If my business works, fab... If it doesn't I need to forge on in my career. I'm hugely good at what I do hence being head hunted for my current job and wanted by 2 other locations in the same company. It's not a great company though in my opinion and their future is a little dicey at present despite being one of the UKs largest employers.
Think I went off on a tangent then. I guess ultimately I feel I'm better off trying to cope with the symptoms than treat them?
Thanks for the thoughts fraeuken and faithfool
Just found out my brother is doing his first triathlon Sunday, my parents are travelling up to see him for the weekend. He lives about 3 1/2 hour drive away.
Maybe I'll get up early Sunday morning and drive up with my puppy Ebony and cheer him on.
That way I don't have to do the whole alone at the cinema thing either! I think he'd appreciate it loads. Would be Ebonys first long journey since I brought her back from the breeders.
What you recon?
I do all sorts of things by myself. I prefer it - whatever I'm doing, I get to choose what I do, and the pace with which I do it.
I always travel with a Kindle to be used in restaurants so that I don't look like that lonely person, just sitting there.
You get used to it.
Bipolar can be managed, but you need the right meds and to STAY ON THEM even if you feel better, and therapy. But you also need to be diagnosed properly, either way. Bipolar should not be let go. And, you deserve to feel better, not keep suffering.
Sometimes I feel very alone. The other day it truly hit me that if I fell off a ladder at home it could be a week or more before anyone would miss me enough to check. I do go to movies by myself. I also go to dinner on my own and other activities. I'm slowly adding activities.
I encourage you to go support your brother. It will be good for you both. Take the opportunities as they come and make opportunities on your own. If you really want to get out go on your own if there isn't anyone to go with you.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
I would love to say I love being alone, but I can't really because DS lives with me. He keeps me terribly busy and then there are the constant demands of the dog and the cat. RIght now a movie alone is a little appealing..lol.
Anyway, just wanted you to know you have lots of people here thinking of you. I hope your weekend got better.
The other day it truly hit me that if I fell off a ladder at home it could be a week or more before anyone would miss me enough to check.
This struck a cord...! I have been feeling the same for a while now and it's pushing me into wanting a relationship before I'm ready. That and a lot of my friends have been having babies, at this rate I will never have anyone when my parents are gone. Brother and sister will have their own lives.
NIK my trip up north went very well. Had a lovely day.
Took my puppy up, left at 5am, she did great for her first long drive, surprised my brother and girlfriend as he was arriving with his bike all nervous. He was thrilled and I was jumping about cheering him on when he was in doing the swim and at each of the transitions. Stayed at his place for the evening and then drive home, got back about 2am.
Loved every minute of it. Glad I did it..... Much better than the cinema!
Thanks again all x