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How do you refer to your wso in conversation

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wimbcom posted 9/15/2013 18:49 PM

Ok so here goes, I hope, I have selected the correct forum for this, as its sorta an odd one.

Can anyone advise on how best to refer to your ex cheating partner when talking about them, or being asked about them by say work colleagues who have no idea about any affair.

I ended our engagement and relationship in Feb of this year and we now sleep in separate rooms, as we own a house (which we cant sell due to a lot of negative equity, and its over 30 miles outside of the city so commuting is just a killer) we now rent a different house in the city which is closer to work and family and our sons creche and soon to be school.

Between the mortgage, rent, crèche fees, and general cost of living we just about get by, so next year when our son starts school and the crèche fees are gone... Then so is she, she can move out and rent her own place, but until then we're stuck with it.

Anyway while she is still in the house most people think everything is fine and ok, but I hate pretending it is and I hate referring to her as my partner she isn't and NEVER will be again...

Is there a simple way of referring to an EX without having to call them an EX and then having to deal with more Questions...

Or should I just bite the bullet and let everyone in work know....

Human nature being what it is, and some people in this world who are lucky enough never to encounter infidelity just won't understand and I just don't want either their pity or Chinese whispers in corners or perhaps even judgements about me and if it was somehow my own fault....

Is there a polite way of referring to an ex?????

[This message edited by wimbcom at 6:57 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

SBB posted 9/15/2013 23:01 PM

I didn't talk about him at work. When he came up I said his name. I often changed the subject quickly.

I told people at work once it was a fait accompli as I too didn't want the sideways looks of concern nor being watched to see if I was going to lose my shit.

I waited to change my name back to my own for the the same reason.

The way I saw it I had enough on my plate dealing with my own feelings and questions - I didn't need to subject myself to everyone else's.

Bluebird26 posted 9/16/2013 02:26 AM

Either the X or his first name depends on whom I am talking too.

foreverempty posted 9/16/2013 05:14 AM

Dirty piece of shit ex whore wife....

Or DPOSXWW for short

Money grabbing slag

Ex Skank

There's many more but they are the most popular ones I use

Crescita posted 9/16/2013 10:47 AM

If you must refer to her, you could call her your son's mother, or if they ask about her directly you could just say you are no longer together and change the subject. People will gather that something is amiss, but might be less inclined to question if they are sensing your desire to distance yourself from it.

Human nature being what it is, and some people in this world who are lucky enough never to encounter infidelity just won't understand and I just don't want either their pity or Chinese whispers in corners or perhaps even judgments about me and if it was somehow my own fault....

Honestly though, unless you are comfortable lying, there is no word in any language that will squelch speculation. Might be best to just bite the bullet and let them chatter. You are making the best of a bad situation, there is no shame in that.

foxglove posted 9/16/2013 18:48 PM

I've been D for almost 7 years, but still have kids who live in the area and lots of folks from either work or around town who know my XH. I usually refer to him as either the "boy's dad" or my former spouse. For some reason, even now, the term "ex-husband" seems to set people's teeth on edge.

Amazonia posted 9/16/2013 19:57 PM

I actually used "soon to be ex husband" in conversation IRL before everything was final. It's accurate and doesn't leave many questions.

Williesmom posted 9/16/2013 20:58 PM

I call him my former spouse.

wimbcom posted 9/19/2013 15:22 PM

Thanks everyone,

I have been calling her "the mother of my child" or "his mother" and to be honest as soon as you put it that way you can see the look of enquiry on peoples faces.

Or I call her by her first name, but as there are two other women in work with her name it can be confusing and I usually need to clarify which person I'm referring to, which leads me back to one of the first two terms above.

Foreverempty I feel your pain.....

You need to let that anger go.... You'll feel better and I find using language like that just make people think you're bitter... Which may be the truth... But let it go man, let it go...

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference...

The best day since I discovered what she was doing was the day I woke up indifferent to her.

Once that happens she can't make you feel bad anymore.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

[This message edited by wimbcom at 3:24 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

wannabenormal posted 9/19/2013 22:39 PM

I will use his first name if the people I'm talking to knew him.

I guess in other conversations I say, "The kids' father" or like "Kids will be at their dad's" or something like that. I don't want to be like XH or my H or the douche or whatever. LOL! I try to keep it light.

I have jokingly called him as baby daddy on the rare occasions I've spoken to his family. His dad always cracked up at that.

Pass posted 9/22/2013 19:04 PM

I often refer to her as my "future ex-wife". That tends to kill any questions.

ruinedandbroken posted 9/22/2013 19:37 PM

With people I don't know he is "their father" or "his father" or "ex-husband" or "former spouse."

Among friends he is assface, asshead, douche bag, father of the year, etc.

wimbcom posted 9/25/2013 03:41 AM

Hi ruinedandbroken,

I had to smile at your quote...

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."

For me it was the same... her and her AP both of them kept playing and still do play the 'Poor Me' victim card...

I'm not happy.... my life is not perfect.... 'but i deserve to be happy don't i????'

I work so hard.... i deserve this.... its ok to do what i'm doing because it makes me happy.... you should do whatever makes you happy... life is short....

Its the song book of the FUCKING COWARD.... You're not happy in your life... then change it, have some fucking backbone and character and talk to your Spouse or partner and end your current relationship BEFORE you sneak off to do whatever it is you THINK is going to make you happy....

I shouted in her face the last time she tired to play the victim card with me.... told her straight that neither she nor him is a victim and don't EVER try to make me feel guilty or sad for them... Then you ream off his wife's name and his children's names and her own child's name..... You remind her who the REAL victims are... give her a hard fast dose of reality...

By that stage she's usually staring at the floor in silence... I just say my peace and then tell her to keep looking at the floor...

"that's where the two of you belong... two cheating snakes on your bellies in the dirt...."

That usually shuts her up.... Cheaters are COWARDS plain and fucking simple... they KNOW its wrong... they KNOW it the MOMENT they return that first flirt or slip between the sheets for the first time or sneak off on stolen time and then lie about it afterwards.... they know its wrong BUT they also know the consequences if they where to change their current situation....

Raising kids apart....
Renting alone.....
Paying Bills alone....
Less money to spend on themselves...

Ultimately they will be LESS happy..... and we cant have that now can we...... COWARDS every last one....

Being a COWARD is their own personal business..... BUT when they use that as reason to LIE and CHEAT and decide secretly to shape and dictate another persons life through deceit and lies... just to make themselves happy... while at the same time playing the whining victim card to their friends and family.......

WELL.......

I just take comfort.... during the quiet moments.... when you understand that 'these people' are not happy, and they will NEVER be happy.... an affair to them is like buying a new smartphone or new car.... they will never find peace or real happiness....

Do I feel sorry for her.....

Do I think she deserves to be happy....???

Two irrelevant questions... she will never find happiness, because I know something she will NEVER realise....

She's looking in the wrong place ;O)


RANT over...

Thanks for reading

[This message edited by wimbcom at 3:54 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

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