badchoice-- thanks for saying hi; I'm glad to be back. I had a few months to distance myself from some mixed motives for posting on here. If I was to aggressively seek honesty (which starts with being honest with my self), I had to admit that I was posting here at least a little bit hoping that my xF would read my posts, see that I've changed, and magically forget about everything evil I put her through (HA!). Even with both feet in recovery, I'm a manipulative bastard if left unchecked. I think I'm safer from that motive now, and I look at posting on here now as a way of "carrying the message to the addict who is still sick" and "sharing my experience, strength and hope." I'm looking to help my program of recovery-- selfish, maybe; but service-oriented at least. And even if I don't help anyone, I've got a forum to finish the often half-baked thoughts floating around in my head; turns out I'm a verbal processor. I'm doing well now-- I've got 6mo of sobriety under my belt, a budding relationship with someone who (get this) RESPECTS that I'm in recovery and working on myself, I'm finishing up my 4th step, and generally working on cultivating a positive, healthy attitude in all corners of my life. It has its ups and downs, but my life in recovery is very good.
EvolvingSoul-- thanks for the affirmation; I feel like I've come a long way. It's paradoxical though-- the further I come, the more I realize the further I have to go :)
JRazz-- thanks for chiming in. Kudos for recognizing your codependent tendencies. I'm in recovery with dozens of fellow codependents and they (ahem, "we") have an extremely difficult time being aware of those tendencies and the overall impact it has on our relationships. I'm in a primary relationship with a self-aware codependent, and we can get so bogged down in our patterns if left unchecked. For recovering addicts, it's fairly straight forward-- no chemical bottom lines, then work on loving yourself. For codependents it seems much less straightforward-- don't engage in communication patterns that are highly automatic and 2nd nature to you... and sometimes those tendencies are healthy, so take a scalpel and try to carve out love from obsession. Ugh! I think SA (and other process addictions) is more closely related to codependency than other addictions are (chemical ones like alcohol, drugs, etc), but codependency is a juggernaut. I'd be interested in hearing more about your journey with it-- and frankly, a lot of users on this site could probably benefit from addressing their obsessions with their relationships.
--edited for grammar and spelling--
[This message edited by nealos at 9:13 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]
“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”