You could replace "addictive sex" with "detached sex" or "emotionally distant sex"... this was written in literature meant for SAs in recovery, but it could be applied to many who struggle to build intimacy.
This is a vision of hope for the relationship with a sexual partner I want to have in recovery.
If no one ever showed you what intimacy could look like, you'd never know you deserved it or could have it... you wouldn't even know what it was or what it was capable of providing you and your relationship. ...no one ever showed me growing up. My parents and family didn't know how to-- their system was broken before I was raised in it. However, I'm blessed to have the means to spend thousands of dollars on therapy :) ...I may live paycheck to paycheck, but I'll know the depths of love and intimacy :) The best investment I'll ever have the opportunity to make.
“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”
one trades a finite set of possibilities against an infinite set of possibilities
I like this. It make so much sense.
How are you doing? Sounds like pretty well.
Anyway, glad to see you back.
Separated transitioning to D
Welcome back from a fellow EvolvingSoul.
Digging our way through.
If no one ever showed you what intimacy could look like, you'd never know you deserved it or could have it... you wouldn't even know what it was or what it was capable of providing you and your relationship. ...no one ever showed me growing up. My parents and family didn't know how to-- their system was broken before I was raised in it.
Amen to that. Both my parents came from pretty dysfunctional households. I just ran the opposite direction and became a complete codependent.
Growing and learning is the best we can do now. I completely agree that therapy has helped me by miles and miles.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
EvolvingSoul-- thanks for the affirmation; I feel like I've come a long way. It's paradoxical though-- the further I come, the more I realize the further I have to go :)
JRazz-- thanks for chiming in. Kudos for recognizing your codependent tendencies. I'm in recovery with dozens of fellow codependents and they (ahem, "we") have an extremely difficult time being aware of those tendencies and the overall impact it has on our relationships. I'm in a primary relationship with a self-aware codependent, and we can get so bogged down in our patterns if left unchecked. For recovering addicts, it's fairly straight forward-- no chemical bottom lines, then work on loving yourself. For codependents it seems much less straightforward-- don't engage in communication patterns that are highly automatic and 2nd nature to you... and sometimes those tendencies are healthy, so take a scalpel and try to carve out love from obsession. Ugh! I think SA (and other process addictions) is more closely related to codependency than other addictions are (chemical ones like alcohol, drugs, etc), but codependency is a juggernaut. I'd be interested in hearing more about your journey with it-- and frankly, a lot of users on this site could probably benefit from addressing their obsessions with their relationships.
--edited for grammar and spelling--
[This message edited by nealos at 9:13 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]