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Divorce Hearing: Done!

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dbellanon posted 9/16/2013 09:27 AM

WW and I had our divorce hearing this morning, which apart from the long wait for the court session to actually start, was quick and relatively painless. The judge OK'd everything in our separation agreement, and we'll get our decree in 30 days. I'm not waiting that long though. I'm calling it now. WW shall from now on and for all eternity be known as XWW.

Honestly, I had no idea how I would feel. I suppose it's not surprising though that on this cold and rainy morning, I find myself intensely sad.

We exited the courthouse together almost without a word. As we parted ways, I said a terse "bye."

As she walked away, she looked at me ith a sorrowful look on her face and said, "Sorry."

I don't know what she meant by it. Perhaps it was an acknowledgement that this divorce was something she had done, and not something I had ever wanted. Maybe it was, in some small way, an acknowledgement of responsibility.

I almost wish she hadn't said it. I almost wish she hadn't shown me this small flicker of humanity. Her coldheartedness was, in many ways, making it easier to leave her.

What a pointless, cruel tragedy this has all been. But it's over now, at least in some measure. Time for new beginnings.

SeanFLA posted 9/16/2013 09:34 AM

Chin up. You're still young and have a lot ahead of you. She was your "practice wife" and the real one will enter your life soon. Let her take the blame. Good things are around the corner.

nowiknow23 posted 9/16/2013 09:36 AM

Take it easy on yourself today, dbellanon. ((((hugs))))

Brandon808 posted 9/16/2013 10:19 AM

I don''t know what she meant by it.
It doesn''t matter what she meant.

I almost wish she hadn''t shown me this small flicker of humanity.
Think about that for a moment though. You had your final hearing. For all intents and purposes the M was legally ended. That "flicker" was the most she could manage. That speaks volumes.

When the time comes and you decide you''re ready to date I want you to remember that moment. Remember that you don''t want someone with just a "flicker" of humanity.

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 10:20 AM, September 16th, 2013 (Monday)]

tesla posted 9/16/2013 17:07 PM

^^This.

Be kind to yourself.
((((dbellanon)))

SBB posted 9/16/2013 19:36 PM

What a pointless, cruel tragedy this has all been. But it's over now, at least in some measure. Time for new beginnings.

High time for new beginnings. You deserve so much more than a flicker-er.

Be gentle with yourself.

PhantomLimb posted 9/16/2013 21:57 PM

*sigh*

Her "sorry" is hard. At the same time, I agree with everyone here. You need more than a flicker.

Maybe rather than let it trigger you, just try to appreciate that, at the very end, she was decent.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:57 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

keptmyword posted 9/16/2013 23:14 PM

What a pointless, cruel tragedy this has all been. But it's over now, at least in some measure.

Same sentiment I had about divorcing my XWW. Completely pointless, senseless, and cruel. It has been only two and a half months since ours was finalized and yet the pain I feel for my two children is as sharp as ever. It's over and a new beginning for me - but for my children it is the finality for them being robbed of their greatest gift and the foundation from which they would have drawn their greatest strength - the intact family that they loved more than anything else.

My XWW told me right after I filed for divorce that she "never wanted a divorce", that she would do "anything" for a second chance, that she was so deeply sorry. She kept on saying this even until the day of our scheduled mediation. At mediation she was a blubbering, crying mess the entire time. Her attorney expressed to my attorney that she strongly desired reconciliation and even my attorney said to me that she seemed really remorseful and that I should strongly consider reconciliation. I asked the mediator and attorneys to talk to her privately. When we were left alone to talk she was still a blubbering, crying, blood-shot-eyed mess. She said through sobs and tears how she still loved me and never wanted a divorce and resented the affair partner.

Well, you may think she's showing more than a flicker of humanity and taking responsibility, right?

Not so fast.

I looked at her and said "I would bet a million dollars that you still have Affair Guy programmed in your phone and texts messages from/to him. In that phone, in your purse, that you are now carrying here in this room, with our attorneys next door, in this mediation concerning our imminent divorce."

She pulled out her phone and said "Yes, it's been there but I'm deleting it all right now."

I knew it but still had to actually laugh and tell her it's ok, I know that it will be put back in at some point. I told her she is still in fantasy land and needs help. Told her we are divorcing. Period.

Does she have any sense of humanity or acknowledgement of responsibility? Who knows? But, in whatever sense, it pales in comparison to her addiction to the bullshit fantasy of illicit adultery.

sparkysable posted 9/17/2013 12:43 PM

I looked at her and said "I would bet a million dollars that you still have Affair Guy programmed in your phone and texts messages from/to him. In that phone, in your purse, that you are now carrying here in this room, with our attorneys next door, in this mediation concerning our imminent divorce."

She pulled out her phone and said "Yes, it's been there but I'm deleting it all right now."

I knew it but still had to actually laugh and tell her it's ok, I know that it will be put back in at some point. I told her she is still in fantasy land and needs help. Told her we are divorcing. Period.

I bow down to you for this.

SBB posted 9/17/2013 17:00 PM

I looked at her and said "I would bet a million dollars that you still have Affair Guy programmed in your phone and texts messages from/to him. In that phone, in your purse, that you are now carrying here in this room, with our attorneys next door, in this mediation concerning our imminent divorce."

She pulled out her phone and said "Yes, it's been there but I'm deleting it all right now."

The very definition of actions not words.

I'm ashamed to admit I had pretty much the same exchange just before diving into a 3m False R. Hope is a devil of a thing. So is self-deception.

It was a lesson I had learned but for some reason needed to learn it again.

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