Never thought Id have to post on a forum like this but I need help sorting out my emotions. Im completely lost and feeling like Im losing my mind.. Background: Im 29, hes 30. We have been married for almost 8 years and have 4 children together (6yo, 4yo, 2yo, 11mo).
For a while now Ive known something was up with my husband. I kept asking what was wrong and he wouldn't say. Middle of July I knew something was wrong but he left for training (military) and it got swept under the rug. Came back in August and again I felt something was up but didn't know what. Last weekend he got really obsessed over his phone, was on it constantly texting (something he previously told me he hated). When I confronted him about it he told me his co-workers and he was planning a prank.
Tuesday morning came and I got this overwhelming feeling I needed to look at the texts. I have never before snooped into my husband's phone, e-mail, Facebook etc even though I have always had access to it. Ive always figured why because I could trust him. On the phone was a series of texts between him and another woman talking about sexual fantasies he had and with pictures of things he had done while in our home to fulfill them.
I confronted him right away. I was completely shocked. Ends up the time he was suppose to be out for a day with friends he was with her and her husband living his "fantasy". At the time I confronted him he was convinced that nothing was wrong with it because there was no intercourse.
Since I caught him lying I checked out bank accounts (he usually handles the finances) and he had taken out a loan. He was paying these people to fulfill his fantasy. It was like a knife to the gut.
He came home from work and told me he realized that what he was doing was wrong and told me of other incidences that he had tried to do what he did then. He also confessed he had two other meetings with different people to live out more fantasies. He was putting ads out on Craigslist to find these people. He told me he had been having these fantasies since he was 12 and they have been getting worse for the last few years. It came where he became totally obsessed with them and couldn't keep them out of his head. He spent a lot of time/energy/money on trying to live these fantasies.
Talking to him it sounds like he is addicted to this behavior. He literally has an issue with stopping himself and finds himself powerless over it at times. Without me even asking he has searched out a counselor that specializes in sexual addiction to met (first meeting is on the 30th, first time slot they had open). He blocked the websites he use to frequent about these fantasies and deleted all his e-mail accounts/facebook account. He blocked the people's phone numbers and deleted all texts/pictures. He gave me his atm card and closed out of his personal account he usually uses during deployments/training.
I just don't know where to go from here. Im devastated and lost. I alternate between pain and feeling like Im making something out of nothing since the only two people we have told about it both said there is nothing wrong as long as there is no intercourse (mind you they are HIS family so they also said if I was a better wife it wouldn't have happened). I just don't know where to go from here.
BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.