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FoolontheHill posted 9/16/2013 10:33 AM

I posted this over I the general forum but thought that this would be the better place. So here goes.

STBXWW left about 3 weeks ago. She seems to be carrying on woth her friends as if nothing is happening. I want to change my Facebook relationship status so that all our mutual friends see it but I'm not sure it's a good idea. She is unstable bordeline personality disorder and I'm afraid it will send her off.
She has already reneged on her promis to keep paying formthe car I leased her and now I'm stuck with a car lease I'm trying to get out of. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend bought her a new car.
I need the divorce to go reasonably smoothly.
Anyone deal with this before?

Nature_Girl posted 9/16/2013 11:04 AM

You know how when someone changes their FB status and FB puts an announcement on everyone's News Feed: So 'n So is in a relationship! So 'n so is engaged!

Know those announcements?

FB doesn't make those announcements when you separate or get divorced. If you change your status no one is alerted. No news feed posts. Nothing even shows up on your Wall. So if you need to change your status to Separated, do it.

But don't start trying to manage other people's lives by warning them about your WW via FB. That's taking things a step too far. It's one thing to send a PM to someone. It's something else to craft a status update with a blanket warning about your mental WW.

Snapdragon posted 9/16/2013 11:09 AM

Just remove the status altogether. Let it be blank. Those that know you well know the nature of your status. As for everyone else.... nobody's business.

overcoming2003 posted 9/16/2013 11:18 AM

I agree with NG. FB is NOT the place to air your laundry or put your business out there. My husband wants no one to know that we are separated. Why? I don't know and I don't care. However, for my own personal reasons, I feel that FB isn't the place for it. BUT if someone PM (inboxes) me and asks...I won't lie.

Finally, I also feel that you open up a can of worms when you blindside her like that in such a public setting. When the time is right, IF it comes up with certain friends and you want to tell them, then tell them. Otherwise, leave it alone on FB.

SBB posted 9/16/2013 15:51 PM

Just remove the status altogether. Let it be blank. Those that know you well know the nature of your status. As for everyone else.... nobody's business.

^^THIS. Changing it to Separated does do result in a notification.

Slight t/j The sad clown changed his within days of DD and later told me he was upset that only 2 people reached out to him. I made mine blank a few weeks later once everyone knew (I had told them in person). Earlier this year I had loads of calls one day because he posted some sort of vent (I wouldn't let anyone tell me what it said). It made him look so foolish. I have been commended many times for holding my head high.

Trust me on this - NOT airing your dirty laundry on FB will serve you well in future When you are far away from feeling how you feel know you'll be glad that you took the high road.