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Newest Member: Schattenfell (61077)

User Topic: My letter to OW
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've not sent this, but man am I tempted.

It’s been exactly 100 days since I learned how many orgasms my husband gave you. Like a fool I really thought I would get a much deserved apology from you by now, but I guess that’s not how you roll. I mistakenly thought you had a heart and a soul, maybe even some empathy, but clearly you don’t have any of those things. I mean, who goes after another woman’s husband? And not just any nameless woman’s husband, but a woman who has had you to her home for dinner, a woman who trusted you with her children. A woman who has given you gifts, shared recipes, a woman who liked you and considered you a friend. A woman who attended your wedding and wished you well despite just learning of the sexting that was going on between you and my husband. Man, you really pulled the wool over my eyes back then didn’t you? Did it feel good to fool me like that? Were you relieved that I believed your lies? Let me quote a particularly interesting section of your message to me back from back then… “Like i said earlier, nothing has ever happened or ever would happen. I can swear on my mothers life that is the 100% truth.” (btw, I cut and pasted that, the typos are all yours) I’m curious, has your mother dropped dead yet?

As a fellow mother I have to ask how on earth you could do this to your child and to my children, whom adored you, by the way. Not anymore though, you are a danger to them now, you are a bad person. What kind of mother are you? You are the kind of mother that feels that getting some thrills from another woman’s husband is more important than her child’s safe happy home life. Sex with my husband was more important than your child. I guess you’re not the type of mother that puts her child’s well-being first. I’m guessing you’re not the type that would throw yourself in front of a bus to save her life; you’re the type that would use her as a shield to protect your pathetic selfish self. I bet you couldn’t wait to get back to work after maternity leave to get it on with my husband again. You just couldn’t wait, could you? You gambled with her life and you lost, actually, sadly, it’s your daughter and my daughter and son who really lost the most in all of this, tell me, was it worth it?

But, you are weak, I get that now. The only types of women that do this are the severely damaged ones, but I’m sure you know that about yourself already. I was lucky enough to read in some of the pages and pages and pages of email exchanges between you two how self-conscious you are of your body, I bet it felt good to know that my husband wanted you despite being, um, how did he describe you again? Oh yes, “short, dumpy and fat.” You see, it’s not you he wanted, he just wanted the taboo fantasy thrill because he’s turning 50 soon and is having the classic text book pathetically selfish mid-life crisis, you were just the weak one in the herd that took his bait. Strong self-assured women don’t go after other women’s husbands. You know, one humorous aspect in all this is that in the 15 years I’ve been with my husband he’s never once, not once, had a problem getting it up, yet with you he had to run to the Dr. to get a script for Viagra for your big XXXtown trip. I suppose that is because you are so physically unappealing he felt he needed medication to get through it. Not sure if you were even aware of that, but lucky for me I found the little blue pill that was slotted for you in his brief case.

As I said, I was lucky enough to read so many of the emails you shared with my husband. How did it feel to get off from him while shopping with your mother? You know, the mother whose life you swore on. Did she watch the video too? Not only have I read the emails, but you should know I have them saved; a good friend even has a hard copy just in case. I wonder what your husband would think of them because I don’t believe for a second that he has a clue of what you’ve done and even if you did tell him anything, I highly doubt you gave all the colorful details that I was fortunate enough to read and have burned in my brain for the rest of my life. For instance, I wonder what he would think of your fantasy to have my husband rape you and have sex in my bed. I wonder how he’d feel to know just how “juicy” my husband made you. I wonder if he’d be shocked to hear the language you used and the see the photos you took. I will be sure to keep the emails in a safe spot, they just might come in handy, you never know. I’d hate to see these go public so I’d think long and hard about ever speaking to my husband again. On second thought, perhaps your husband should have a copy just in case you two do get divorced, I heard that was a probability, he may need them when it comes time for the courts to decide custody. The judge would probably frown upon a woman who doesn’t think of her child first.

You care so very little of the damage you have done that even after I found out about your betrayal you liked a post on Facebook with the saying “Good girls are just bad girls who never got caught” and then commented that they were also the smartest, which is ironic considering you DID get caught and you are not smart and this is not over. And you also posted your fondness for the show Mistresses, are you kidding me? WTF is wrong with you? Clearly your husband is still in the dark and I know in my heart that the right thing is to tell him, I know I wish someone had told me sooner.

What the two of you did has destroyed me, my 10 year marriage and my family. My children are suffering because of what you did, because of how unbelievably selfish you were. There is special place in hell for people like you. This was not a game, this was not a mistake, you made choice after choice after choice to destroy our lives every day that this went on. How do you look yourself in the mirror? And what a coward you are, to do this and not even attempt an apology. You are complete scum. And please don’t ever forget about karma, because you will get yours. I take immense comfort in that fact.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 8:37 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also would love to send something like this. Unfortunately it would fall on deaf ears. She didn't care about my feelings then and she wouldn't care now. She doesn't have to see the pain & heartache their actions cause because her bf doesn't know. If she were even a bit remorseful I think I could stop hating her so much. Hopefully I'll get there without it eventually.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
♀ 31507
Member # 31507
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I want to post this on my FB page!!!

But, don't send it. It's great.

But, DO tell her husband. Better send proof or he may not believe you and refuse proofs later.


Me: BS
Together since 1997, married Jan 2010, EA started Feb 2010, PA June 2010
D-day1 Oct 20 2010 / D-day2 Oct 21 2010 and following week / found this site Mar 2011
He didn't do work to reconcile.
DIVORCED in 2014 and HAPPY!

Posts: 599 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh dear God I could have written this letter! I'm sure it was as theraputic for you to write, as it was for me to write an email (I never sent) to my former BFF of 30 years and MOH at my wedding. Don't bother sending it. She'll only turn it against you. Paint you as a crazy woman scorned.

DO send copies of your proof to her BH. He deserves to know the truth, as much as it may hurt. Or maybe it won't. My XBFF's BH didn't care because they are in an open marriage.

These people (WSs and APs) have no concept of consequences, and will never appreciate the damage they leave in their wake.

By the way, my XBFF did apologize. It doesn't help.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 5:35 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3391 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ 40219
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That must have felt good to write. I often wonder what I would like to say to OW. But I realize she wouldn't care and it would fall on deaf ears. I wouldn't recommend sending it, as it won't go well. But I would send copies if the evidence to the husband. He deserves to have the choice in whether to stay or not.

BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't tell her husband WH works with OW and her BH ALSO works there and will contact HR immediately and have them both fired. We need his income, I am fully aware that most on the site advocate telling the other spouse and I completely agree, but I have kids and a mortgage to think about first...and that pisses me off to no end, but I can't chance it. We are barely scraping by as it is.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And as absurd and probably naive as this sounds, I think OW DOES care. I truly believe that she did like me and that she is HUMILIATED that I read the emails.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39584
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC, that is a fantastic letter! As far as sending it, if it makes you feel better I would do it. I know WH's OW didn't take my knowing about the A seriously until she was made aware that I have copies of all of her texts to WH, and that I planned to share them with her BH.

I also was in a situation where telling her BH could get WH fired, but eventually decided that I needed to take the risk. Fortunately, she ended up quitting rather than pursuing anything against WH.

I really feel for you - it is a horrible position to be in.

WH - 38
2.5 year LTA
2nd A 2/20/16

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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