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Spelljean posted 9/16/2013 15:59 PM

I feel the past week or so, that I myself have de-fogged. 13 months after dday, and a year into our separation.

I feel very down some days, but I feel real again. The dream like quality of my life has faded away. Things are super sharp, crisp again. And what is left is a lot of pain, the real, deep kind of pain where you are faced with hard reality. And you're dealing with it in the way you dealt with problems most of your life, and not as a foggy BS. As that foggy BS, I felt like a superhero almost, if that makes sense. Above everything and almost riding on that wave of unreality and empowerment.

Now, the fog is lifted and...well, there I am. Speechless really. Very heavy heart. So many things irritating me.

If WH ever truly de-fogs, he is in for a real treat.

Life sometimes stinks.

The way I feel though, is there is no place to go but up, right?

Any BS hit a MAJOR de-fog?

nowiknow23 posted 9/16/2013 16:03 PM

((((Spelljean)))) No where but up. I like that.

Titanium posted 9/16/2013 16:56 PM

(((Spelljean)))

I am 3 months into separation and so many things are becoming clear to me. Each day i feel a shift and clarity.

I feel like the fog has lifted, but only just. Its been 20 months since dday and a rough false R.

Couldnt do it with WH any longer. Was losing my mind so since our separation at my request and a recent move to a new residence my fog is behind me now.

Reality has hit and what i am feeling is very mixed. I do feel relief as my clarity validates to me that i wasnt going insane, that i put 200% into trying to make it work and that he has serious issues within himself and still is very much in his fog.

What i am now feeling is real now there is no more mind fuck games since stepping outside of the bullshit arena. What i am feeling most is grieving all that i had, wanted and had hoped for with WH while i clearly process how someone could be so cruel after 24 years.

You are probably going through a grieving stage that perhaps up until now you werent quite ready for.

Everyone is different with their acceptance and healing and we all know here that this process has no time limit.

This is healthy and with that being said clears the mind a little to begin loving yourself again and know that you can go and do whatever in life you choose to do with new found knowledge and strength.

The mind works in strange waysbto protect us. I find that it is slowly releasing things now for me to process that i hadnt thought about before or perhaps i had but am now seeing in a different light.

Moving through all of this again but it feeling different now with separation is called growth.......growth is good.

And "up" sounds good to me.

Much happiness and strength to you.

We WILL make it through and good things await.

Spelljean posted 9/16/2013 17:25 PM

Thank you titanium, your response filled me with a lot of hope. And it made a lot of sense. I do feel my own mind has been protecting me from a lot and is releasing bits of information, or feelings I didn't want to deal with yet. It is truly letting go of the old life and dreams.

The best to both of us.

overandone posted 9/16/2013 17:30 PM

(((Spelljean)))

inconnu posted 9/16/2013 17:32 PM

Not really a term I ever used, but a few months after ex left I was finally off the crazy train and was able to process things easier. It had been so hard to think during the year between d-day #1 and ex leaving because I was constantly getting bombarding with new suspicions, information, etc. It wasn't until I didn't have ex lying to me on a daily basis that I was able to sort out the truth from the lies.

Razor posted 9/16/2013 17:37 PM

I think so. It happens one day when you wake up and say to you self *Hey! none of this WAS my fault*

It took a very long time for me since Im a bit slow. I clung to hope for such a long time. Hope that WW would finally tell me the truth. Hope that WW would feel remorse. Hope that WW would finally own her shit. Hope that WW even gave a damn about me at all.

I finally got tired. Hoping took to much energy. So I wished instead. Wishing takes much less energy for me since Im less invested in the outcome.

But even wishing became tiresome when it became apparent that I have a better chance at the lottery than I do of my WW owning her shit. So I gave that up too.

I stopped really caring about the outcome. I just let it go and when I did that I realized that what ever happens I will be ok. WW may do what ever she does. Or she may not do what ever she does not do. Whatever happens I can cope with it. If she stays with me thats ok. If she leaves is also ok.

I started to build my life as a structure. Not necessarily separate from WW but built such that it can stand on its own.

That was de-fogging for me.

Titanium posted 9/16/2013 17:38 PM

((((Spelljean))))

I am glad that it has given you hope.

As we slowly move through this, it is giving us knowledge, great knowledge and knowledge is power.

How great are we going to be when we arrive at the other side of this?

I say we will be AWESOME.........

We will have discovered so much about ourselves that can only take us to a place of freedom and happiness......we will always view life in a very different way......perhaps thats the gift the universe has waiting for us....

A much deserved "gift" :))

Have a happy day!