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Newest Member: AshamedDad (59342)

User Topic: Ugh! Consequences!!!!
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sitting here in my freaking chair watching DS10's soccer practice. quietly as I can manage.

First time in many seasons I'm not coaching. DS' coach is completely clueless but I can't say a word because if I had made better choices I would be coaching him myself. It is just so hard to watch and hear the crazy things he's teaching them. We get scored on every corner kick because he has no idea how to set them up. And there are a LOT of corner kicks because he has no clue how to coach defense....

I have seen no sign of xAP or his family members this season. I'm hoping they no longer participate in this city. Maybe BH will want me to coach again in the future. If not, I'm not complaining (out loud). I definitely don't feel resentment toward BH, just anger with myself.

Oh least he's getting touches on the ball...

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1799 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
♀ 37775
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yea, I bet it really sucks. I played soccer all my life and can't imagine not at least helping out with practices.

Hang in there. Play with your DS at home; teach him a few plays. Play 1 on 1 and make him defend. Kick some corner kicks, showing him where the ball goes and tell him where to aim - center always works.

It won't help the team, but it will help your DS improve.

Glad you haven't seen xAP - embrace that; get a good book and enjoy the sunshine!

BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people

Posts: 450 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 26284
Member # 26284
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a BS and one of the consequences of my Hs actions post dday was that I was too paralyzed with pain and anxiety to coach my DDs LAX team that I had been with for a few years. I actually did resent my H then (and even now some days) because I can't those two years back where I had to sit and watch on the side lines. I made my choice to work on our marriage - my volunteering days had to take a back seat to our healing. We are still together as a couple almost four years out - I think I made the best decision for our family at that just sucks that I had to give up what I once enjoyed in order for me and my family to heal.

Work on you and your marriage - soccer will always be there if you ever want to return to coaching.

On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. -CS Lewis

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Nov 2009
♂ 16472
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A bit off topic but still related. Is this a competitive Boys U10 or U12 team, or a fall recreational league? I'm guessing by your description that it's a rec league we're talking about.

I always had one basic philosophy as a coach. Did the player improve their individual skills from when they started the season to when they ended. Quite frankly, I was awful at game strategy. And I coached teams that ended up on the wrong end of the scoreboard in the end, at times with totally classless opposing coaches running up 12-1 scores by leaving strong players in for full time and not leveraging other techniques to kepe the results in check.

Yet those players I coached were better by the end of the season. They saw the game better. They handled the ball better. They defended more aggressively and better. And in the end, that was how I saw the role of the league. This wasn't a college or pro team, where the results of the team mattered at times more than player development.

You can recenter your focus to stop going nuts. After a game, talk about DS10's individual play. Was he in the right position? Help teach him where he should be based on his role. They still may score because the other players are out of position. But if DS10 was where he needed to be, praise that. If his play was aggressive but within the bounds of fair play, praise that. And if DS10 is better at thte end of the season than when he started, praise that.

Remember we won't always be there to give our kids direct support. I've got two in college now, and they have to fend for themselves when they need to question a greade from a professor or be their own advocate when the class they need is showing as full. All we can do as parents is mentor from the sidelines, praise them for hard work, and send them back to the field (or the classroom) with a sense of empowerment. Look at this as practice for DS10's later years when he'll have to speak up for himself.

If we look at how our A's have changed us from our past, we stay stuck in a miserable place. IF we look at the opportunity to change who we are and how we can make the world around us a better place by being better people, we focus on the hope of tomorrow rather than the dismay of our past.

BW(her)- 49, FWH (me) 51
4 month Online EA
M 27 years, together for 31
4 Daughters - 24, 21, 17 and 16
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4489 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies.

Sand Away,
Yeah. I can work with him one on one and read a book during practice to help tune it out. I've been bringing my german shepherd and playing doggie soccer with her on the side. She LOVES the beautiful game.

My M is definitely my priority. And I'm happy DS is able to play.

It is rec soccer and seriously thank you for the perspective. I have always coached with player development and love for the game as my priorities. This is frustrating though because this coach has shown a serious lack of class in dealing with the kids. He's also teaching them bad habits.

I really like your suggestions for helping me get through this season. Thank you.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1799 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 5

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