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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: Fighting back against a trigger
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a word that is a trigger for me and it is EVERYWHERE including all over here on SI. I hate it. I will hate it until the day I die. If it was a physical thing I would stomp on it, pee on it, and drive my car over it 100 times, but I can't. So how do I overpower it? Sometimes I make myself say it like 50 times just to make it meaningless, but it just comes back. This stupid word stops me in my tracks and puts a lump in my chest. Suggestions?


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 640 | Registered: May 2013
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tripletrouble - I've had some similar feeling. Not a word that I've seen all over SI, but a couple of other things.

One of them is the OM's name. It's a fairly common first name, and I used to trigger whenever I would talk to or meet someone with that same first name. I had to do some disassociation in my head, and sort of think to myself that, "This is this person's first name, and they are a nice person. It doesn't matter that they share the first name with someone that I don't even care about anymore."

Another thing is a certain band that I didn't like that OM was obsessed with. I'll see this band mentioned here every now and again, usually in the F&G section. The people mentioning the band seem to be totally nice people... so this is another thing I have disassociated with OM, and re-associated with positives in my life.

I guess that is the way I have dealt with it... disassociation with the negatives, and re-association with the positives. It is a LOT easier said than done, but has been well worth the time and effort for me.

Hope you get some other suggestions as well. Good luck to you.


Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Posts: 8276 | Registered: Dec 2010
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a word that was a trigger for me. It's "discreet." My husband listed "Looking for a discreet relationship" on his AFF profile. Every time I see or hear that word I cringe and I visualize his damn profile. I'm doing it right now as I'm typing this. The thing about that though, is that it is not hurting me right now, it's triggering anything except a visualization of his profile.

The only thing I can say, and it may not be of much help, is that the triggers do soften over time. What I mean by soften is that if you hear the word it will bring back a memory but it won't be as strong or painful as it is for you today. You may/will always remember why you don't like that word but it will stop hurting.

eHarmony used to be another huge trigger for me because that's another site my husband has a profile on. That one has subsided as well. Maybe because the commercials for that site are on every single channel all the time, or maybe it's some other reason. But they do go away.

LosferWords approach is a great one. Try to replace the bad with the good.

I hope some of this helps.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is Phoenix. Phoenix. Phoenix. Phoenix. If anyone would like to chime in to tell me something to make me like the word please do so. Right now it's a city on the map full of AFF whores my husband was involved with .


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 640 | Registered: May 2013
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe thinking of the bird in Harry Potter every time you hear it - Fawkes, the phoenix.

My particular word is soulmate. It used to really dredge up anger, but now it's just an eyeroll. It just takes time and effort to get past it.

[This message edited by kernel at 6:06 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like Fawkes. Good suggestion, and nice visual to go with it, kernel.


Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Posts: 8276 | Registered: Dec 2010
cl131716
♀ 40699
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have several triggers. Her name is a major one. Also, many things Ws says because he said them to her. Sad how little phrases I once thought were just for me are now ones that make me cringe.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
painandgrief
♀ 40158
Member # 40158
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My primary triggers are Asian women or Asian women with white men. The largest ethnic group where we live is Asian and my WS had his PA there while on business travel. Every single day, 30-50 times a day
, pure hell.


BS 50
WS 49
2 teenage kids
DDay - May 2013

"Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care"


Posts: 54 | Registered: Aug 2013
Chicky
♀ 18622
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it was a particular music artist. He had a CD that was #1 for many months and I found out that he was "special" to Shrek and my fWH because one of their f*ck sessions was to my favorite CD of this artist. I was in pure hell for about 3 years, then one day I decided that I wasn't going to let their smutty behavior steal anything else from me. So, I mad it a habit of listening to that CD whenever I could, ESPECIALLY when we were in the car together. The mind movies went away when I imagined that he was with ME and she was in the corner of our bedroom, crying and begging him to come back to her...swollen eyes, snotty nose, hair looking like a rat's nest. AND IT WORKED!

I know it sounds out there but I can now hear this artist on the radio and I actually smile because he is with me, we are happy, and her life has gone to shit.


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 576 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kernel that is a great image, and I am a big fan of Harry Patter


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 640 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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