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Newest Member: NEfEm (46010)

User Topic: So which attorney do I believe???
Hope2B
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here was my question to two different attorneys--thank goodness for the 30 minute free consultations they offer!

Ques to attorneys:
My husband of 33 years confessed to having a 7 year long (perhaps more) affair with a prostitute, & its now ended (he says). How do I protect myself and my assets? We did not have a prenuptual agreement & we live in a community property state. We married "late" in life and have our own money, joint accounts (one "his" one mine). Do we need a post nuptual agreement or a marital agreement in order to legally keep my assests as mine, and his as his, and by mutual agreement we would then bypass the community property laws? What kind of agreement do we need, would it be recognized in CA if a separation or divorce occurs, and how many days from an attorney drafting this agreement do we need to wait to sign it (I believe in a prenup, parties have to wait 7 days). Thank you.

FYI: the cost of this "post" nuptual agreement BEGINS at $5000, PLUS there would be a separate consulting fee for an attorney to inform my WS of his rights in a community property state, and a separate consulting fee for a different attorney to make sure I understand it all too.

Answers:
Attorney #1/Divorce & Separation specialist: Post nuptial agreements are generally disfavored by the courts, especially where problems have arisen afterwards. By law, anything acquired during the marriage is generally community property regardless of whose name is on it. The same is for earnings and bank accounts. But there are some exceptions. If you really want to preserve your separate property rights, then you probably need to file for a legal separation. Post nuptials ARE done and can be enforceable.

Attorney #2: Prenup/Post nup specialist: You will be ok either way, but you are the one who loses more without a prenup (we'll use prenup for lack of a better term), so if it were me and there is any chance you will ever divorce him (or vice versa), I would get it done while he is willing even if he doesn't pay for any of it. Consider what it would cost you to split all of your assets down the middle--though of course you get half of his assets too. What he did is NOT ok, but you have to protect yourself regardless of what happens in the future. Many attorneys will not be willing to do the prenup if it looks like separation or divorce is certain--in which case you would need a family law specialist (even though you don't have children).

I really do hope we can reconcile. However, it's difficult to get over the fact that he did this for 7 years with the skank, and did all kind of intimate sexual behaviors with her too.

We're starting couples counseling this week, he went to individual counseling today, my individual counseling appointment is next month, and we've both had marital counseling today from our parish pastor.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 9:02 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
He had a 7 year LTA, thought she was just a girl down on her luck & he was her KISA

Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one who puts it in writing that they will refund any consultation fees and represent you for free if they turn out to be wrong.


eta:

Five grand!? The fuck do they write that shit on, vellum cured from the hide of sun-goats of the lost land of Aar, inked in the blood of disney pixies?

[This message edited by StillGoing at 9:28 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7633 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Hope2B
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing, what a hoot! Thanks for the image and the wordsmithing!!!

The fuck do they write that shit on, vellum cured from the hide of sun-goats of the lost land of Aar, inked in the blood of disney pixies?


...hmmmm

The one who puts it in writing that they will refund any consultation fees and represent you for free if they turn out to be wrong.

How likely is that?



Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
He had a 7 year LTA, thought she was just a girl down on her luck & he was her KISA

Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depending on where you live, $5k is not unreasonable. There is research that goes into drafting each agreement--every one is just a little different.

I like Attorney 2--I think he is pretty realistic and has given you good advice. The drawback is that he is not a family law specialist, but perhaps he would recommend one if you need one,

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29734 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read something about this recently. Basically a PN is a marital settlement agreement without the divorce decree. That is A LOT of detailed legal work - involving assessing values of property and retirement accounts and so forth. At $250+ an hour for legal fees, $5K is nothing.

I remember reading lawyers don't like to do these in California for some reason...I can't remember the particulars. Google Post Nuptial AGreements and look on the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers website.

My atty said he would not think PN would be good in my situation since I am only in my 40s and potentially we could accumulate a lot more marital property/assets in the coming years of our marriage. Plus our kids are still quite young and I don't know if it would address CS issues.

He then tells me about a client that hired him to represent him in his "marital legal issues." In lieu of D, the couple separated and in an attempt to R, negotiated a Post Nupt against the advice of his attorney. Several months later, he gets together with his attorney and starts telling him about a woman he's seeing. His attorney is baffled...didn't he work things out with his wife? His client tells him "She never let me move back in and we're going to proceed with D." My attorney asks who is representing him. He says, "You are, of course." My attorney says, "Well, it appears as though your W did not negotiate in good faith. We should move to declare the PN void." His client says, "That is ok, just give her what she wants." Basically, the H - probably out of guilt for all of the acting out during the course of his M - let his W take him for one last financial ride totally in her favor.

It all depends on what you have and what you want to protect. Unless you have accumulated a lot of wealth and you are concerned about him depleting the marital estate if you stay together, my guess is that it probably is not necessary to have one. And really, if you are concerned about that, should you stay married to this person? (believe me, I am asking myself the same questions).

[This message edited by womaninflux at 7:46 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
callmecrazy
♀ 38765
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im a paralegal in IN and CA is VERRRRYYYY different on thier views, but I have had a small amout of dealing with pre-nups in CA. I too have heard the post agreements are not generally favored by courts and they dont necessarily enforce such an agreement or easily let people argue as to why they should not be valid. However, if your husband has been wasting marital funds on his OW, you may have a leg up on him there, but again Im not in CA so I wouldnt want to sway you. Attorneys are not all so wonderful. Some are good and some not, Id do your research. That said, 5K is not bad if it in fact would be enforcable, especially if there are a substantial amount of assets to look over.

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO it's price gouging for what's involved. Unless you have enough property that it would become a legal problem to divide it properly and its value exceeds what you'd pay to ensure that, I can't see how a PN could possibly be worth it.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7633 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in CA and I researched this and was in the process of getting a Post Marital (what formerly was called a Post Nup) when I cancelled it for personal reasons.

It is doable. It's the route that I personally would go. They are getting more and more mainstream and there is now legal precedent for them in CA however both parties must be represented by a lawyer, even if all your WHs lawyer does is review the paperwork, make a tinker or two, and show up for the signing. Otherwise it can be successfully argued that it was signed under duress and deemed null and void. I personally, would also spring for someone to video the final signatures and meeting so that it could be shown in court, if necessary, that all parties showed up with legal representation and signed with no duress.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5217 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 8

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