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Newest Member: Duped12times (45727)

User Topic: Being attracted to someone's mind ...
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such an opposite of who I have always been. Usually, and I am guessing in most cases for others, it is the physical appearance of someone that attracts me first. However, the man that I have met is not what one would say over the top physically attractive but yet his mind, opinions, character, integrity, etc, etc, is so appealing! Because of this has anyone else been in the same situation and later found it disastrous?

I guess it boils down to, that when X had his A and the time that has pasted since I have found me again and have changed so much back to my true self that an individuals mind and character are so much more attractive to me ... but I think am I setting myself up for and eventual down fall?! Because everything is so opposite for the first time in my life ...

Any thoughts?


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fell in love with GDM's marvelous mind, his kindness and his sweetness. The more time we spend together (now 3+ years), the more I enjoy him. He is quite ordinary, physically, but no one has a mind like his. We have a great time together.

Be true to who you are.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29713 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the attraction to who he is and not how he appears first is the sexiest thing ever...


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4669 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
NaiveAgain
♀ 20849
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... but I think am I setting myself up for and eventual down fall?! Because everything is so opposite for the first time in my life ...
and maybe this will be the deepest and longest-lasting love you have ever had, since it is based more on internal qualities.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the reassurance as I don't know why I am second guessing myself. And yes, "It's all good"

I guess I have always known what I needed in a person in my life and especially now. But to find that person is so surreal.

I am going to enjoy where ever this may take me ... Thank you again!

[This message edited by Ann124 at 10:16 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX was the first man I allowed to myself to get involved with who was not physically attractive to me. He swept me off my feet with his charm & mind. He was chivalrous, seemed to have character & integrity, seemed intelligent. We had so much in common! I was willing to overlook the lack of physical chemistry because I was certain we were compatible in every other area.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10017 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
numbandnauseous
♀ 34525
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too, NG. I didn't want to kiss my SAWH at first because I wasn't physically attracted to him. (Maybe that should have been my sign to run!) I didn't want to be shallow, so I told myself I could learn to be attracted to him.

But, Ann, if you find his mind attractive and that, in turn, makes him more physically attractive to you, that is great and I would say go for it! Have some fun for those of us who haven't found that yet....


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first time he and I met was planned but he had never seen me before as I didn't post any photos but I had seen his.

We had talked via email extensively and then via phone and email for a few weeks. Beyond being chivalrous, intelligent, and having his own opinions, whether they matched mine or not ... The largest thing is that his words have matched his actions so far ...

Even if we just end up as great friends ... I am game for this.


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO's intelligence is what attracted me to him the most, at first. He's articulate, witty, clever, and knowledgable about so many topics. I'm never bored when I'm with him, and he makes me have to actually think (big plus in my book, otherwise I skate through life). I love that he's (slightly) smarter than I am. I found out that I need mental stimulation in a relationship just as much as I need the other stuff.

We've been together almost 4 years, and it just keeps getting better.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually can't find a man attractive unless I think he's intelligent. You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all about the mind, too... intelligence is a huge turn on for me. Smarts, a good sense of humor and kindness are a deadly combination. If all that is there, the rest falls in line.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:27 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15435 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.

So true!


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13833 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.
Priceless...Love this!!

I've seen so much brokenness based somewhat on "looks" and I have always said I need someone that compliments me, and equal that will walk by my side not in front or behind me... I think that is what we might have found in each other ...

Like I said it has only been a little bit of time but it feels right ...


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
want_to_forgive
♀ 20470
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ann, I have been dating someone since July that I never would have thought I would fall for, and I am absolutely crazy about him.

He isn't my type at all physically, is actually a tiny bit shorter than me and a little pudgy. When we first started talking I felt bad that I would never be able to date him because I wasn't attracted to him.

Fast forward to today, I am head over heals. He is so smart, funny, attentive, caring and loving. All the things I have always wanted in a relationship but didn't think I would ever find. The harder I fall for him the more attractive he becomes in my eyes. He is beautiful to me now, inside and out. I'm so glad I gave myself the chance to explore a relationship with him. He makes me giddy.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
macakipa
♀ 33735
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am finding myself attracted to "more than meets the eye" too.

Who knew I would embrace this wisdom!


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope everyone that has been posting on this thread comes back because I would like to know also beyond the physical aspects and his mind ... What about age?

His age doesn't bother me in the least he's 8 yrs my senior but every once in a while he brings it up ... Thoughts?


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO is not quite 10 years older than me. I'm late 40s, he's late 50s. It's not been a problem, and personally, I think SO gets a kick out of having a "young, cute girlfriend."


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had the conversation about age last night. And I mentioned the drop in his voice when our ages come up in a conversation. His X is a couple years older then him and he didn't realize his voice dropped but said he had no intentional issues with our age difference other then wondering about why am I so comfortable with it ...

So we had the "numbers" conversation regarding how irrelevant it is. Good conversation as usual ... I also enjoy the fact of being younger then him and he feels that same! It's just an added bonus all the way around!


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by stronger08 at 10:59 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Nov 2007
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would (and do) date people 10 years older than me. That is not an issue for me.

As for the mind.....I get so tickled when I find someone with an attractive mind. I would trade someone's looks for an amazing mind any day!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2247 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 20

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