SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Being attracted to someone's mind ...

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Ann124 posted 9/16/2013 21:09 PM

This is such an opposite of who I have always been. Usually, and I am guessing in most cases for others, it is the physical appearance of someone that attracts me first. However, the man that I have met is not what one would say over the top physically attractive but yet his mind, opinions, character, integrity, etc, etc, is so appealing! Because of this has anyone else been in the same situation and later found it disastrous?

I guess it boils down to, that when X had his A and the time that has pasted since I have found me again and have changed so much back to my true self that an individuals mind and character are so much more attractive to me ... but I think am I setting myself up for and eventual down fall?! Because everything is so opposite for the first time in my life ...

Any thoughts?

Catwoman posted 9/16/2013 21:24 PM

I fell in love with GDM's marvelous mind, his kindness and his sweetness. The more time we spend together (now 3+ years), the more I enjoy him. He is quite ordinary, physically, but no one has a mind like his. We have a great time together.

Be true to who you are.

Cat

persevere posted 9/16/2013 21:28 PM

I think the attraction to who he is and not how he appears first is the sexiest thing ever...

NaiveAgain posted 9/16/2013 21:35 PM

... but I think am I setting myself up for and eventual down fall?! Because everything is so opposite for the first time in my life ...
and maybe this will be the deepest and longest-lasting love you have ever had, since it is based more on internal qualities.

Ann124 posted 9/16/2013 22:15 PM

Thank you all for the reassurance as I don't know why I am second guessing myself. And yes, "It's all good"

I guess I have always known what I needed in a person in my life and especially now. But to find that person is so surreal.

I am going to enjoy where ever this may take me ... Thank you again!

[This message edited by Ann124 at 10:16 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

Nature_Girl posted 9/17/2013 00:04 AM

My STBX was the first man I allowed to myself to get involved with who was not physically attractive to me. He swept me off my feet with his charm & mind. He was chivalrous, seemed to have character & integrity, seemed intelligent. We had so much in common! I was willing to overlook the lack of physical chemistry because I was certain we were compatible in every other area.

numbandnauseous posted 9/17/2013 00:37 AM

Me too, NG. I didn't want to kiss my SAWH at first because I wasn't physically attracted to him. (Maybe that should have been my sign to run!) I didn't want to be shallow, so I told myself I could learn to be attracted to him.

But, Ann, if you find his mind attractive and that, in turn, makes him more physically attractive to you, that is great and I would say go for it! Have some fun for those of us who haven't found that yet....

Ann124 posted 9/17/2013 06:29 AM

The first time he and I met was planned but he had never seen me before as I didn't post any photos but I had seen his.

We had talked via email extensively and then via phone and email for a few weeks. Beyond being chivalrous, intelligent, and having his own opinions, whether they matched mine or not ... The largest thing is that his words have matched his actions so far ...

Even if we just end up as great friends ... I am game for this.

inconnu posted 9/17/2013 12:15 PM

My SO's intelligence is what attracted me to him the most, at first. He's articulate, witty, clever, and knowledgable about so many topics. I'm never bored when I'm with him, and he makes me have to actually think (big plus in my book, otherwise I skate through life). I love that he's (slightly) smarter than I am. I found out that I need mental stimulation in a relationship just as much as I need the other stuff.

We've been together almost 4 years, and it just keeps getting better.

damncutekitty posted 9/17/2013 14:15 PM

I actually can't find a man attractive unless I think he's intelligent. You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.

wildbananas posted 9/17/2013 14:27 PM

I'm all about the mind, too... intelligence is a huge turn on for me. Smarts, a good sense of humor and kindness are a deadly combination. If all that is there, the rest falls in line.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 2:27 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

lieshurt posted 9/17/2013 14:30 PM

You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.

So true!

Ann124 posted 9/17/2013 20:41 PM

You could dangle a Ryan Gosling lookalike in front of me bearing wine and chocolate, but if I need to stuff a ball gag in his mouth to stop the stupid from coming out then there is just no point.
Priceless...Love this!!

I've seen so much brokenness based somewhat on "looks" and I have always said I need someone that compliments me, and equal that will walk by my side not in front or behind me... I think that is what we might have found in each other ...

Like I said it has only been a little bit of time but it feels right ...

want_to_forgive posted 9/18/2013 14:12 PM

Ann, I have been dating someone since July that I never would have thought I would fall for, and I am absolutely crazy about him.

He isn't my type at all physically, is actually a tiny bit shorter than me and a little pudgy. When we first started talking I felt bad that I would never be able to date him because I wasn't attracted to him.

Fast forward to today, I am head over heals. He is so smart, funny, attentive, caring and loving. All the things I have always wanted in a relationship but didn't think I would ever find. The harder I fall for him the more attractive he becomes in my eyes. He is beautiful to me now, inside and out. I'm so glad I gave myself the chance to explore a relationship with him. He makes me giddy.

macakipa posted 9/18/2013 18:24 PM

I am finding myself attracted to "more than meets the eye" too.

Who knew I would embrace this wisdom!

Ann124 posted 9/18/2013 19:02 PM

I hope everyone that has been posting on this thread comes back because I would like to know also beyond the physical aspects and his mind ... What about age?

His age doesn't bother me in the least he's 8 yrs my senior but every once in a while he brings it up ... Thoughts?

inconnu posted 9/18/2013 19:36 PM

My SO is not quite 10 years older than me. I'm late 40s, he's late 50s. It's not been a problem, and personally, I think SO gets a kick out of having a "young, cute girlfriend."

Ann124 posted 9/19/2013 06:53 AM

We had the conversation about age last night. And I mentioned the drop in his voice when our ages come up in a conversation. His X is a couple years older then him and he didn't realize his voice dropped but said he had no intentional issues with our age difference other then wondering about why am I so comfortable with it ...

So we had the "numbers" conversation regarding how irrelevant it is. Good conversation as usual ... I also enjoy the fact of being younger then him and he feels that same! It's just an added bonus all the way around!

stronger08 posted 9/19/2013 07:12 AM

[This message edited by stronger08 at 10:59 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]

EvenKeel posted 9/19/2013 07:23 AM

I would (and do) date people 10 years older than me. That is not an issue for me.

As for the mind.....I get so tickled when I find someone with an attractive mind. I would trade someone's looks for an amazing mind any day!

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.